Hark, my readers,
And I shall tell
of the night before Christmas
Without any fail.

`Tis a story 'bout Amset,
Hotep, and fate
And who better than Grundal

This story relate!

Our story takes place
The Fighting Pyramid within
So without further ado
Let us begin.

`Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the pyramid
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a Fearamid.

Amset-Ra: Good! Now that Grundal froze everyone in time everyone's asleep, I can put out on Santa's milk and cookies! Not that he'll be eating them anyway. Better avoid the carrots - I'm not a vegetarian.

I said, Not a creature was stirring.

Amset-Ra: Eek!

Amset-Ra attempts to stand perfectly still.

Now, you probably wonder how I am speaking without using Christmas carols. Well, I must speak in italics when doing so, and I get worn out rather quickly. Like... so... Let's... move on...

Ogel was locked away
As good as dead
While visions of violent LEGO battles
Danced in his head.

Amset-Ra: Now come on, Grundal! You know I'm not that cruel.

Cruel enough to try to take over the world.

Amset-Ra: Argh, you got me there... Yes, I admit, I've been trying to take over the world via social media.

Let's just continue.

My dad in his corona
And I in my crown
Had just settled down
For a long winter's drown.

Amset-Ra: Ahh, I just LOVE to go drown over at Jokerland's Toxic Tank. Though I hate getting my bindings wet, I might as well put on a suit first- waitaminute! Why am I wearing a crown while my dad has a corona! I can corona way better than he can! Anyway, it's time for my drown!

When outside the Toxic Tank
There rose such a clatter
I turned off the faucet
To see what was the matter.

Away to the door
I flew like Commander Flash
I ripped off the curtain
And doled out the cash.

Amset-Ra turns off the slime.

Amset-Ra: Listen, Joker, I'm sorry about the curtain. Here's the money to pay for it.

Joker: YES! YES!!!! Now I can get the Batman repellant I always wanted! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Amset-Ra: At least that money went to a good cause.

Amset-Ra opens the door.

Pharaoh Hotep: Stop wasting so much hot toxic water! You know I need to look my best for Christmas tomorrow.

Amset-Ra:Actually, it's Christmas morning.

Pharaoh Hotep: D'oh!

Amset-Ra: Santa's coming! Quick! Back to the pyramid!

The moon on the breast
Of the boisterous sands
Gave the luster of magic
On the speedy clans.

Amset-Ra: I'm not a clan! I'm an army!

Pharaoh Hotep: Well, I'm a clan!

Amset-Ra: Why are we arguing for no reason?

Pharaoh Hotep: This is a random Christmas comedy, remember?

When what to my wondering
Eyes should appear
But a miniature sleigh
And eight tiny... Spaceship spaceship SPACESHIIIIIIPS!!!!!!!

Santa: I'm on a budget! I couldn't afford reindeer. Too wild. And who on Mars gave me a microscale sleigh?!

Amset-Ra: It's Hypergirl. Run. And. Hide.

With an alien driver
So crazy and mean
I knew in a moment
It must be the Queen.

Amset-Ra and Pharaoh Hotep dash into the pyramid.

More rapid than Sonic
Her Aliens they came
And she whistled and shouted
And called them by name:

Sonic: More rapid than me, eh?

Amset-Ra: What are you doing in this wacky Christmas story?

Sonic: I have the right to be in any story I want. Besides, I'm a LEGO Minifigure now.

Pharaoh Hotep: Ssh! She's about to speak!

"Now Alice! Now Ali!
Now Aloha and Hovok!
On Alfred! On Alec!
'On Albert and Hyvak!"

Alien Queen: And you too, Rudolph equivalent.

Havek: I can't see a thing with this giant red glowing nose on the front of my ship!

Alien Queen: Too bad.

"To the top of the pyramid!
To the top of the wall!
Now eliminate my enemies
And dash away all!"

Amset-Ra:' Oh no. That doesn't sound good.

Pharaoh Hotep: Let's get out of here.

Alien Queen: Too late, you fools.

As foolish adventurers that before
The wild Tygurah fly,
When they meet with trouble,
They then talk with Kai.

I'm terrible at this.

So up to the pyramid-top
The Aliens they flew,
With the spaceships full of munitions,
and Hypogirtis too.

"'Amset-Ra: Oh no. She's breaking in.

Pharaoh Hotep: Let's get out of here.

Amset-Ra: You already said that.

And then in a moment
I heard on the roof
The prancing and scurrying
Of the Aliens aloof.

Amset-Ra: We may still have time to get ready for a fight. Everyone grab your Space Police freeze rays.

Pharaoh Hotep: Everyone? But there are only two of-

As I loaded my gun
And was turning around,
Down the chimney Hypogirtis
Came with a bound.

Alien Queen: Too late.

Amset-Ra: Since when did I have a chimney? And narrator, it's rude to interrupt your subjects.

Alien Queen: Now you'll pay for repeatedly stealing my ships.

She was dressed like a spaceman
From her head to her claw foot,
And her armor was all tarnished
With ashes and soot.

A bundle of thermal detonators
She had flung on my back
And she looked like a peddler
Just opening her pack.

Alien Queen: Here, carry these. I need to get my other weapons.

Amset-Ra: This is awkward…

Her eyes how they glowed!
Her dimples how nonexistent!
Her cheeks were like, I don't know
Her nose oh so nonexistent!

Her droll little mouth was drawn
And the beard of her chin-
Excuse me?

Hey, it sorta rhymes.

Alien Queen: Now I can test my new super weapon thingy!


The barrel of her blaster
She held tight in her fist
And the smoke it encircled
Her rage when she missed.

Alien Queen: D’oh I missed!

She had an angry face
And a less angry belly,
But then Santa came
And the room felt like jelly!

Amset-Ra: Do you like, believe in Santa?

Alien Queen: No. Why?

Amset-Ra: He’s right behind you.

She turns around.

Santa: Ho ho ho!

Alien Queen: Gasp! IbelievedinyouallalongSantapleasedon'tkillme!

He was chubby and plump
A right jolly old elf,
And I smiled when I saw
He had rescued myself!

A wink of his eye
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know
I had nothing to dread.

Amset-Ra: Phew!

He holsters his freeze ray.

Amset-Ra: Thanks for rescuing me, Santa! She's almost as bad as Frenzy!

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
And kidnapped Hypogirtis
And called her a jerk.

Oh, and he also gave the Pyramid Staff their presents.

And laying his finger
Aside of his nose
And giving a nod
Up the chimney they rose!

Amset-Ra: Well, I hope I won't see her for a long time...

He sprang to his sleigh
To his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew
Like the down of a thistle.

Amset-Ra: There he goes... and he's towing the Queen's sleigh with him! By the way, where's Dad and Sonic?

He sees Pharaoh Hotep with his arms full of presents, and Sonic racing against Santa. Of course Santa is faster.

Amset-Ra: Holy corona! How'd you manage to get so many presents?

Pharaoh Hotep: Donating your income to Santas Anonymous really paid off.

Amset-Ra: D'oh!

But I heard him exclaim
As he drove out of sight
"Merry Christmas to all
And to all a Good Night!"

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