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Starring Aliens! Starring Astronauts! Starring Awesome!

Guest Starring Gandalf!

Brought to you by Last Resort Awesome Productions!

Astronauts

In the middle of nowhere on Mars...

Jeff: CRYSTAL MINING TIME!

Bill: Finally! Where do we start?

Jeff: Well, there are no crystals to mine despite it being the time to mine crystals.

At the Eagle Command Base...

John: YAWWWWN!!!!!!

Commander Roberts: John! You're finally awake!

John: Gasp! Help... somebody! I... need... coffee...

Commander Roberts: Petrov, did you fix the machine yet?

Petrov: No, it was the Dodo who did the fixing! Here is being a nice, warm coffee!

Splash!

John: Phew, that's better. I guess it's time to get on with my day.

John leaves and operates a random, supposedly useful button-and-panel station in the background.

Commander Roberts: Well, it's good to see the base is running smoothly again! Petrov, get the Dodo to splash the rest of these astronauts with some coffee.

Petrov: Is that meaning that the Dodo is gaining permission to be staying in the base?

Commander Roberts: Yes, I guess that's rather monumental. The first non-human astronaut.

Petrov: It is also the first female astronaut in the base!

Aliens

In Hive 12...

Hovok: Send out all of the search parties and ready all of the ovens!

Alison: Yes, sir!

Hovok: Lock all of the energy crystals in a safe and don't give the password to Hyvak!

Alison: Yes, sir!

Hovok: Go do these things right now!

Alison begins to walk away.

Hovok: You forgot to say "Yes, sir", soldier!

Alison: If I had said "Yes, sir" then I wouldn't be following your orders "right now" as you had inisted. Therefore, your most present order took precedence and I tried to "Go do these things right now!".

Hovok: You must ALWAYS say "Yes, sir!"

Alison: Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! Yes, sir!

Hovok: SILENCE!!!

Alison: Yes, sir.

Hovok: GO!

Astronauts

In the middle of nowhere on Mars...

Nigel: It's been quite a while since we last made contact with Eagle Command. We might need to forego all hope.

Bill: OH MY GOSH IT'S A CRYSTAL I FINALLY HAVE ONE!!!!!

Jeff: Not if I get to it first!

ConstructConstructConstruct!

Nigel: Oh my! Jeff built MT-31 Trike out of some wee Martian rocks!

VroomVroom

ClinkClink

CrumbleCrumble

Nigel: And now the Trike is broken.

Bill: THAT'S MY CRYSTAL! I HAVE TO HAVE ONE!

Jeff: CRYSTAL MINING TIME!

Bill: NO!!!!

Gandalf: Thou shall not pass!

Nigel: Why are you here?

Gandalf: I needed somewhere to hide the Arkenstone from Thorin. He gets a little crazy when it's near him. Anyways, where am I? I'm afraid my Flying Space Carpet may have missed the mark.

Bill: Why didn't you use the Great Eagles?

Gandalf: It wasn't convenient to the plot.

Nigel: Well, our official location is "Middle of Nowhere".

Gandalf: Ah! That must be close to my home, which is also in the Middle!

Bill: We're trying to get back to our home right now.

Gandalf: Here, let me help with that!

Poof!

Aliens

In the other middle of nowhere on Mars...

Hyvak: What's the phone number for Base 12?

Albert: I still can't believe that phone works!

Alfred: Ah, here it is! 389-012-4483.

At Hive 12...

Hovok: Are the Pizzas finished?!

Alison: Yes, sir!

Hovok: Great!

Alison: They're not actually finished, I'm just not sure what else I could have said.

Hovok: Oh. Well keep on working! Don't stop until we've finished those pizzas!

Hovok leaves.

Telephone rings.

Alison glances quickly at the telephone.

Alison: Don't stop...

Astronauts

Commander Roberts: Private Dodo McSquawks has proven great valour and bravery in her fight to join forces with the Martian Astronauts. Her exemplary efforts in fixing our coffee machine room, her inherent knowledge of coffee machine room structures, and her interestingly exceptional skills in the field of engineering have lead us to accept her as the latest member of the Mars Mission. Thank you, Private McSquawks, and welcome!

Poof!

Nigel: Home is where the heart is, and my heart is here! Literally!

Bill: I still don't have any crystals...

THE END

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