Starring Aliens! Starring Astronauts! Starring Awesome!
Brought to you by
Last Resort Awesome Productions.
At the Alien Supreme Hive...
Alien Commander Hovok: I am prepared for my first assignment, mother. No matter the danger, and regardless of the sacrifice, I will fulfill my mission with all of the courage, strength and commitment I have, in your name!
Alien Commander Hyvak: Me too. I'd really like to go to Hive 314, or Hive 73, but since Hive 99 needs a new commander, I'll go there too!
Alien Commander Hovok: My only stipulation is that I am stationed far, far away from my brother.
Alien Queen Hypogirtis: Neither of you are in a position to make requests. While both of you did pass your exams with acceptable results, there are few hives in need of a new commander, and there are many more useful commanders up the chain of command. Because you are connected to the royal bloodline, however, I have found a hive in need of leadership, after the last commander died in an unfortunate accident. The two of you will be leading Hive 12.
Alien Commander Hovok: Oh brother...
Alien Commander Hyvak: Yes?
Alien Commander Hovok:
In a large Crystal Pit...
Insert Drill Sounds...
Nigel: Alright, boys. Today's goal for Crystals is 7 per person. You can use any of the equipment around here.
Bill: 7 CRYSTALS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Nigel: Suck it up, Billy Boy. Back in my day, I'd be takin' in a good 70 of these beautiful things a day.
Bill: But sir, I'm a pilot! It's what my family's always done!
Nigel: Why'd you sign up for the mining crew, then?
Bill: I thought it meant I would get to to use awesome drills!
Nigel: You do get to! And the wee ones too!
Bill: REALLY? Where do I get them?
Nigel: Jeff's using them all.
Loud drill sounds
Jeff: CRYSTAL MINING TIME!!!!!!
In an ETX Alien Infiltrator...
Hyvak: This is all your fault, Hovok!
Hovok: MY fault? If you hadn't had the need to go around DEMANDING positions, then I would have been
stationed somewhere that had CAPABLE troops. My full potential could have been achieved!
Hyvak: I didn't know you had an NRG form!
Hovok: I could have been a great general!
Hyvak: I wonder if I have an NRG form...
In the Eagle Command Base Map Room...
Petrov: Here is the new map, sir!
Commander Roberts: Great! We've been waiting a long time for this map!
Petrov places the map on the map table.
Commander Roberts: I don't recognize this crystal deposit right here...
Petrov: It must have grown recently!
Commander Roberts: Well, it's enormous! We should send some miners down there right away!
In the large Crystal Pit...
Bill is looking intently at the ground...
Nigel: Bill, I've just received a message from Eagle Command. You and Jeff are coming with me to go scout out a
new Crystal Pit south of the base.
Bill: But I'm only one crystal away!
Nigel: Away from what?
Bill: From finding one crystal.
Jeff: CRYSTAL MINING TIME!
Nigel: There should be a few more crystals in the new Crystal Pit.
Outside of Hive 12...
Hyvak: You said that the staff here were bad?
Hovok: I believe the exact words I used were "Worrisomely Incompetent and Endlessly Annoying".
Many Aliens are revealed standing behind doors.
Albert: Hello! Welcome to Base 12! My name is Albert, your new Underlord, and behind me are the rest of the staff.
Allow me to introduce you to Alan, Alberta, Alfred, Albany, Alice, Ali, Alexis, Alden, Aaliyah, Alvin, Alissa, Alec, Alison, Alfonso, Alistair, Aldwin and Aloha. We're so happy to have you here!
Aliens nod their heads vigorously
Albert: You can be certain that what happened last time won't happen again.
Aliens shake their heads vigorously.
Albert: If you need anything, Alfred can get it for you. That's totally not a reference to Batman.
Aliens all turn and walk into the hive as one.
Hyvak: Wow, we have our own butler!
Hovok: I'm going to go find my room, lock it, and never come out again.
In the middle of nowhere on Mars...
Bill: I don't see any crystals. Or anything useful.
Jeff: It's not Crystal Mining Time then.
Bill: Are you sure that this is the right place?
Nigel: Aye, this is right where the Crystals should be... Why, would you look at that, it's a wee red crystal!
Nigel: Hmm, it's firmly stuck...
Bill: I'm still at zero! No fair!
Jeff: CRYSTAL MINING TIME!