This battle needs to be optimized to meet the current standards.
This is... SURPRISE! It's a battle! You never would have guessed!
The Announcer: Dr. Inferno
The Referee: Ogel
The Predictors: Benny and AntiMatter
The Fighters:
Before the Battle
Unidracow: Moo.
Laugh Track
Unidracow: Neigh.
Cuteness Track
Unidracow: ROAR!!!!!!!
Screams of Terror Track
Also Before the Battle
Pharaoh Hotep: Well son, it has been a while since I saw you last.
Amset-Ra: It’s been two hours.
Pharaoh Hotep: Time does crawl like a tortoise when one is not having fun. Anyway, how have you been? Look how tall you've grown!
Amset-Ra: Dad, Minifigures don’t grow unless they’re Lloyd.
Pharaoh Hotep: He used a time machine, so it doesn't count.
Amset-Ra: But his past and future selves were different, thereby showing that minifigures must age. And look at the other Ninja!
Pharaoh Hotep: But that's confined to Ninjago.
Amset-Ra: What about Solomon Blaze?
Pharaoh Hotep: He hasn't grown at all in the years I've known him. Why are you so worried about growing?
Amset-Ra: Because- Hold on, how did I get on this side of the argument?
Pharaoh Hotep: Teleportation?
Amset-Ra: Rats.
Apparently this part is Before the Battle as well.
A large box sits open in Amset-Ra's office.
Amset-Ra: Wonderful! A time machine! Now I can prove that minifigures DO grow!
Amset-Ra picks up the construction instructions.
Amset-Ra: On second thought, I'll let the staff build this.
Two hours later...
Terabyte: I think we built it correctly, but I can't figure out where this piece goes.
Amset-Ra: Ah, it probably isn't important. Everyone jump in!
Amset-Ra jumps into the time machine, but no one follows him.
Wyldstyle: Calibrating time machine for the year 2010...
VWOOOSH!!!!!
Terabyte: Have fun!
December 26th, 2014
Amset-Ra: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Thank you to the previous owners for letting me "borrow" your wiki!
Amset-Ra: Where am I?
Amset-Ra: Impostor! My idea may be wonderful, but that gives you no right to steal it! And get out of my clothes!
Amset-Ra: I should be saying the same thing to you!
Dr. Inferno: Lord Ra?
Amset-Ra: Yes?
Amset-Ra: Yes?
Amset-Ra: He was talking to me, fool!
Amset-Ra: No, he was talking to me, past-self!
Dr. Inferno: Um... Lord Ra, a mysterious device has appeared on the side of the pyramid...
Amset-Ra: Destroy it! Use the new deuterium laser!
Ogel: But I'm a world conqueror, not a butler!
Amset-Ra: How is this a butlerial task? Use one of your lasers, fool!
ZOOOOOM... SMASH!!!!!
Amset-Ra: No! I needed that!
Ogel: I thought you told me to destroy that...
Amset-Ra: I did!
Amset-Ra: I didn't! That was my time machine! Now I'm stuck here forever!
Bring bring bring!
Ogel: Ah! He's carrying a bomb!
Amset-Ra: No, this is my new LEGO Phone 2.5
Ogel: Ooh, fancy new technology...
Dr. Inferno: Why was it making strange noises?
Amset-Ra: Well, it says here we're supposed to have Unidracow vs. Ronin vs. Mottrot vs. Electrolyzer right now!
Amset-Ra: Who vs. that guy we've been hearing rumours about vs. Mottrot vs. who?
Amset-Ra: GASP! If I can't get back to the future, then the entire world will stop rotating! We won't be able to have this battle!
Amset-Ra: Too bad, so sad. Now throw him in the dungeon!
Amset-Ra: You mean Ogel's home?
Ogel: What?
Dr. Inferno: Why don't we just have the battle here? We can always postpone Benny vs. AntiMatter.
Dr. Cyber: No! That will destroy the spacetime continuum!
Amset-Ra: Continuum conschlinuum.
Amset-Ra: That's a tongue twister.
Amset-Ra: Well, I guess we might be able to postpone the battle for a few hours.
Dr. Cyber: Is no one hearing me? The world will be destroyed!
Ogel: Destruction obluxion.
Amset-Ra: Stop talking, Ogel. You're the Nobody.
Ogel: I'm the referee...
Amset-Ra: Well you won't be for long. Now, somebody call Unidracow, Ronin, Mottrot and Electrolyzer.
Dr. Inferno: Uni-who?
Amset-Ra: Oh right... They don't exist yet...
Ogel: We could break the space time continuum again and bring them into existence!
Dr. Cyber: No, that's quite enough dimension destruction for today!
Anubis guards carry Dr. Cyber to the cellars.
The Battle
Dr. Inferno: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Please welcome Amset-Ra himself!
Amset-Ra: That's me!
Amset-Ra: No it's not! It's me!
Dr. Inferno: Today is the first ever battle in Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!
Amset-Ra: I like how short the name is!
Amset-Ra: Really? I was thinking of adding on some more words, like "Awesome" or "Really Super Cool".
Amset-Ra: Don't worry, Dad will do that for you.
Dr. Inferno: We have twisted reality to prematurely create the Unidracow and Electrolyzer, while kidnapping Ronin from top security at LEGO Headquarters and interrupting Mottrot's publicity tour.
Audience: Yay!
Dr. Inferno: Your referee is the wonderful Ogel, and I am your awesome announcer!
Amset-Ra: Why are you all being so positive?
Dr. Inferno: Our predictor hasn't arrived yet, so...
Amset-Ra: Make Benny and AntiMatter the predictors, to make up for the loss of their battle.
Amset-Ra: WHAT?!?!?! That's absurd! They aren't qualified at all!
Amset-Ra: You'd probably have a heart attack if you saw all the unqualified staff members we have in the future!
Amset-Ra: But you're me and you're alive...
Amset-Ra: Forget I said anything.
Benny: I think that Electrolyzer will win! He's blue like my spaceship Spaceship SPACESHIP!!!!!!!!!
AntiMatter: FOOL. HE IS HONESTLY THE WORST DESIGN FOR A FIGHTER I HAVE EVER SEEN. I MEAN, WHO WOULD EVER MAKE A MINION LIKE THAT? ELECTRICITY? THAT'S JUST SILLY.
Dr. Inferno: Well, let's find out! In the 1st corner is the Unidracow, a unicorn-dragon-cow hybrid!
Unidracow: Moo.
Dr. Inferno: Next is Ronin, who looks really really cool! I can't wait for his video game to come out!
Ronin: ...
Ogel: His voice synthesizer hasn't been implanted yet.
Dr. Inferno: Oh. In the next corner is Mottrot, the most intelligent mammoth one will ever encounter!
Ogel: That's cool!
Amset-Ra: Mungus is cooler.
Amset-Ra: He also appears in more battles.
Amset-Ra: Spoilers for my own pyramid! Illegal!
Dr. Inferno: Now we have Electrolyzer!
Electrolyzer: You zhould paint theze cornerz... A little blue wouldn't be too bad...
Ogel: What should we use to start the battle?
Amset-Ra: How about a gong?
Amset-Ra: Oh, you're going to regret that.
GOOOOOOONG!!!!!!!!
Amset-Ra: I regret that already.
Ogel: Fight!
Amset-Ra: You're supposed to say that before you hit the wretched gong.
Unidracow: Moo!
Electrolyzer: Ah! My earz!
Mottrot: Your ears? What about my ears!
Ronin: ...
Unidracow: Neigh!
Electrolyzer: I think I'm going to be eliminated by hiz noizez alone!
Mottrot: Well, I'm not going to be that weak.
Ronin: ...
Unidracow: ROAR!
Electrolyzer: That iz not enough to zcare me!
Mottrot: Gah! It's a dragon!
Ronin: ...
Dr. Inferno: Ronin has just run away from the battle...
Amset-Ra: That means he's eliminated.
Ogel: Oh, right, that's my role!
Amset-Ra: I see why you throw him in the cellars.
Amset-Ra: You're a little late on the uptake.
Electrolyzer: Lightning blazt!
Dr. Inferno: Woh! Watch it! Electrolyzer's lighting blast nearly hit me!
Amset-Ra: As long as the pyramid never gets destroyed. This is thousands of seconds old!
...
Amset-Ra: Why's everyone so silent?
Amset-Ra: Um... You'll see.
Mottrot: Mother! Send me my Mammoth Stomper!
Maula: It isn't finished yet!
Mungus: Mungus is Mammoth Stomper!
STOMP!
Dr. Inferno: Mungus decided to stomp on Mottrot, eliminating him.
Ogel: Rats, I forgot what to say...
Unidracow: ROAR!
Electrolyzer: Zap zoop! Nyahahahaha!
Frenzy: OOH! LIGHTNING! TASTY!
Amset-Ra: Oh god... I forgot how stupid he is...
Amset-Ra: Is he crazy?!?!?!?!
Frenzy: I'm a MANIAC!!!!!!! Like CRANIAC!
Craniac: I'm no maniac, Craniac!
...
Craniac: I mean Frenzy! I said Frenzy!
Ronin: ...!
Dr. Inferno: Oh! Ronin's back!
Unidracow: Moo.
Ronin: ...
Dr. Inferno: And he ran away again.
Unidracow: Neigh!
Electrolyzer: Good golly! Ah!
Dr. Inferno: The Unidracow is charging at Electrolyzer, and gaining on him!
Electrolyzer: ZAP!!!!!!!!
Unidracow: MOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Dr. Inferno: Unfortunately, the Unidracow has been eliminated, giving Electrolyzer the victory.
Amset-Ra: Unfortunately? You can't be biased! Some users will be showing up soon!
Crash!
Ogel: What was that?!
Amset-Ra: Don't worry, it's just the 4th wall. It happens all the time. Now get back to work.
After the Battle
Back in the present day...
Terabyte: This part was important, wasn't it?
Wyldstyle: Yep.
Pharaoh Hotep: Oh well. I'll just take over the Fighting Pyramid again.
Wyldstyle: Don't you remember how that worked out last time?
Pharaoh Hotep: Well it was great when it did work.
End transmission
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