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Chiron: This is.

Mr. D: Who cares?
Season 2, Round 3, Battle 2 (85th battle overall)
Written by Surtatb2007 on February 7, 2016
The Announcer

Who cares?
The Referee

Who cares?
The Predictor

Who cares?
The Red Corner
Round 3 will be toxic. Even her boss is here to kill tonight.

Rank 4; 3-0
Nominated by NexoByte
The Green Corner
Alien Commander
Alien Commander
If Havek can't wreak enough havoc in this round for us, no one can!

Rank 14; 2-1
Nominated by Commandosaur
The Yellow Corner
One Round 3 loss enough for the King of Caps. He's going to give it his all this time.

Rank 5; 5-1
Nominated by NexoByte
The Blue Corner
The Great Devourer
The Great Devourer
Life's a buffet, and Round 3 is no different for the great Serpentine weapon.

Rank 13; 2-0
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Answer: Me!

Before the Battle

General Hux: All rise for Kylo Ren

First Order Officer: Aye, aye.

Dramatic entrance

Kylo Ren: Grrr. You! Hux. Bow to me, you fool!

Hux: Hands up.

Kylo Ren: Try me.


Kylo Ren: Bow.

Hux: Yes, sir.

Kylo Ren: Rise and be seated.

First Order Officer: Isn't that irony?

Kylo Ren: Iron... Meet heart!

Hux: Sir.

Kylo Ren: What?

Hux: The Pyramid Brats have escaped.

Kylo Ren: Then you shall face my wrath!

Finn: I am FN-1372.

Captain Phasma: No, you are busted.

Finn: ...?

Captain Phasma: Curse the Resistance! Curse you!

Benny: Hi. My name is Ben but you can all me Benny...

All of the Stormtroopers stare at Benny.

Benny: Shoot. Did I do something wrong?


Benny: Well, goooooodbye!

Finn: See ya later, alligator.

Crawley: I'm a crocodile.

Crug: And I'm the only alligator left in all of Chima!

Dalek: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Crug: Nooooooo!

Worriz: Howl like the wind, buddy.

Finn: Run like the wind!

Aquaman: I feel really bad for breaking that expensive crystal Ball.

Commander Flash: Ha. We've got you now, Amset.

Amset Ra: I will not tell.

Harry Potter: I will not tell lies.

Amset Ra: The protectors of the Multiverse... You have them all?

Commander Flash: Very observant of you, Amset.

Amset Ra: You want to rule the universe!

Commander Flash: No. All I want is free hot dogs.

Transmission terminated.

Amset Ra: Well, the damage has been done.

???: And the damage can be undone.


In Invizable's Manision...

Cyrus Borg: The Nindroid Security Squadron has been dispatched.

Invizable: Greta. Now where's my 200 credits?

Cyrus Borg: Excuse me? You are the one paying me.

Invizable: You shall pay to be in the present of His Awesomeness.

Darth Maul: Only I am Awesome!

Invizable: I am Awesomer!

Professor Severus Snape: Minus ten points from the Awesome House for your Muggle slang.

Cyrus Borg: Nindroids! The Super Crown!

Invizable: So this was all a setup! Who are you working for, villain?

Cyrus Borg: The V.C.E..

Invizable: What could that mean.

Cyrus Borg: The V.C.E. have asked me to give you a message.

Cyrus Borg hands a bottle to Invizable while a Nindroid hands the Super Crown to Borg.

Cyrus Borg: Ta da!

The Battle

???1: My name is Gozer.

???2: My name is Tasu Leech.

???3: My name is General Kozu.

Tasu Leech: We are representatives from the V.C.E. and we have received a contract to rule the pyramid.

Commander Flash: No way! Our contract lasts until the last battle of Season 2!

Gozer: Please. Sit down.


Amset Ra: The Book and Media Reenactor! Test #2. Success! Copied from page 4 of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. - ---


Commander Flash: H4X!

Gozer: Welcome to the One Battle to Win Them All.

Tasu Leech: My name is Tasu Leech and I am sure you all hate me by now.

Audience: BOOOOOO!

Tasu Leech: Good Bad riddance!

Commander Flash: And who, exactly, may I ask, is departing?

General Kozu: YOUR HEAD.

Gozer: Please.

Kruncha: Thank you?

Nuckal: No, no, you bonehead!

Gozer: Toxikita in the Red Corner. Alien Commander in the Green Corner. AntiMatter in the Blue Corner. The Great Devourer in the Yellow Corner.


Everyone stares at Alien Commander.

Alien Commander: What?

Tasu Leech: Fight!

Alien Commander: Parsnips!!!!!!!!!!!

Gozer: What the...?

Karlof: Karlof loves parsnips. Yum yum.

Alien Commander: Parsnips!!!!!!!!!!

Frenzy: HAIR!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: ...

Doubloon: Man the cannons! Fire the stood shooters!

Clancee: All hail the Skybound Crew!

Monkey Wretch: Ooooo ooo ahhh ahhhh.

Amset Ra, Gozer, and Commander Flash: Nooooo, my pyramid is being attacked.

The three all stare at each other.

All: My pyramid! Grrrrr...


Disco Guy: Clap?

Taco Tuesday Guy: Clap your hands for Taco Tuesday!


Doubloon: Behold the One Djinn to Rule it All! Behold Nadkhan the Great, King Nadakhan, the Last True Djinn King...

Clancee: Behold the psycho.

Everyone points at Alien Commander, then Wyldstyle waves frantically at Frenzy, and everyone starts pointing at him, while Alien Commander is still yelling "Parsnip!" and Frenzy "Hair". Doubloon points at Clancee, who in turn whacks him with his broom.


The Raid Zeppelin explodes with a bang and many cries of "Frenzy!"

Slimer: Sausage...

Alien Commander: Parsnip...

Slimer: Hot dog...

Alien Commander: Parsnip!

Slimmer: Sausage! Hot dog!

Frenzy: FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: And the arena is in a 'Frenzy'.

Gozer: And Alien Commander takes a sausage in the face. That must be... delicious!

AntiMatter: BOW TO ME, FOODS.

A plump Apple rolls over to AntiMatter.

AntiMatter: FAIR ENOUGH.

Gozer: And AntiMatter has created an army of fruits.

Slimer continues bombarding Alien Commander with hot dogs and sausages.

Slimer: In my mouth. Yum yum yum!


Gozer: Look! Alien Commander has gotten slimed and eliminated.

Alien Commander: I am MAC. The Mutant Alien Commander.

Nya: Water!

MAC: I have always hated you, O Great Devourer. Now we can finally have a fair fight.

Great Devourer: HISS!

MAC and DG grapple.

MAC: Come, my brothers.

Chug chug chug.

MAC: This is an insult.

Doc Brown: Great Scott.


A fleet of trucks chug towards the DG but the Great Devourer pulls MAC into the line of fire.




Gozer: Two in a row! Alien Commander and the Great Devourer are eliminated.

AntiMatter: BOW TO ME.

Toxikita: I am your servant.

AntiMatter: OH.

Toxikita bows, does a forward roll into AntiMatter, and-

Gozer: Commercial break.

Commercial: Come back to Squidman's pitstop where you will get gas for the amazingly low price of $999,999,999,999.99. Here's what are loyal customer Captain Jack Smith of the Space Police has to say:

Capt. Jack Smith: I came to Squidman's Pitstop to arrest the owner but I needed gas so I became broke! Yay! I will rate you five stars for your horribleness.

Gozer: Commercial break over.

He turns around to see AntiMatter hanging from a chandelier.

Toxikita: I won I won, I won I won...

Gozer: Ugh. Toxikita wins.

After the Battle

Invizable: So this is what the prophecy says.

Transmission terminated.

Invizable: Not one, not two, but three, shall bring the pyramid to its demise.

End transmission

The Winner
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Toxikita vs. Alien Commander vs. AntiMatter vs. The Great Devourer?

The poll was created at 18:57 on August 10, 2017, and so far 0 people voted.