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|This is the blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah.|
|Season 1, Round 2, Battle 5|
|Written by Commandosaur|
Did you know he might be Swedish?
Nominated by Commandosaur
He's still here!?
Nominated by Surtatb2007
His last victory was mediocre, so we've got to be wondering how he'll do in this battle.
Nominated by NexoByte
Before the Battle
Dr. Brains: I believe that's all of them. I don't see any of them getting Grundalitis-Free within a week, perhaps more.
Pharaoh Hotep: That's quite unfortunate. We're supposed to be having a battle today. Wyldstyle, will we still have enough staff to continue with the battle?
Wyldstyle: Well, Invizable and Terabyte are training, Fierce Flame is being possessed by Morro, Dr. McScrubs is in the Cursed Realm, Tee-Vee is at Alpha Team Headquarters, Sir Fangar became Sir Pondar, Sam Sinister was fired, Meca One blew up the pyramid, and I think all the others are sick.
Pharaoh Hotep: Well, my friend, if Terabyte and I can take on 4 roles at once, there's a chance you might be able to as well.
Wyldstyle: Actually, I'm kind of busy at the moment doing something... Which is totally not hunting Frenzy to the ends of the galaxy for the purpose of making him wish his species never evolved.
Pharaoh Hotep: Oh. Well, before you go do something that is totally not hunting Frenzy to the ends of the galaxy for the purpose of making him wish his species never evolved, go find some new staff.
Dr. Inferno: Fern-ie the villain, was a cold-souled guy they say. With a doomsday device and an awesome mech he would kill you till you were dead! Oh, killety kill kill, deadety dead dead, this is so much fun!
Pythor: All I want for Chrisssssstmassssss issssss to eat eat eat...
Jay: Yo yo yo, welcome welcome welcome to this awesome battle place!
Cole: That's my job!
Kai: And that was terrible.
Lloyd: Why did you three get to fight but I didn't?
Zane: Most likely because no one likes the chosen ones.
Kai: I like the chosen-
Kai: -noodle dish at Master Chen's...
Suddenly, a door near the top of the pyramid slams open and a top hat wearing figure is silhouetted against the bright desert sun.
???: I highly suggest that all of you begin working efficiently and without distraction, young Ninja.
Kai: Who are you?
???: I am Sam Sinister. Also known as Baron von Barron. Also known as Sim Sanister. But the important fact is that I am the man who controls the fate of Nya, Darreth and some Random Ninjago Fan I found on the street. Could you please give a demonstration, Crystal King?
Crystal King: Me hold prisoner over crocodiles.
Crystal King: Me drop prisoner into crocodile place.
Darreth: Wah! Mph.
Crystal King: Crocodiles go snap.
Crystal King: Prisoner go dead.
Sam Sinister: Very good. I also have an alligator pit if you'd prefer some variety. Now, who's going down next?
Cole and Jay: Don't worry Nya! I'll save you!
Nya: Shh. I'm practicing my upside down hanging ability.
Sam Sinister: Ah, very well, since you have yet to let in the audience, I guess Nya will be next to go.
Jay: Open the gate!
Cole: Welcome to Amset-Ra's fighting pyramid! Today some people are fighting. First up, this guy is a villainous-
Jay: Was that the script?
Cole: Um... He's thiefy and evilish, it's Space Evil Guy!
Zane: I believe that you forgot to invite the fighters.
Sensei Wu: Garmadon!
Sensei Garmadon: Misako!
Sam Sinister: That is quite enough. You are all so intolerably annoying and unbelievably incompetent that I have no choice but to use... The Caiman Pool.
Commandosaur: Aren't Caimans smaller than Alligators and Crocodiles?
Sam Sinister: Yes. Isn't it obvious why I chose them for that exact reason?
Sam Sinister: The smaller the animal, the more I can fit into an area, and so there will be more mouths to devour prey, meaning that the failures of this world can get out of here more quickly,
Crystal King: One ninja, two ninja, red ninja, blue ninja. Me gonna make a big ninja stew!
The Actual Battle
Punctuation Penguin: Welcome back to Amset-Ra's Awesome, Fearsome and Formidably Fortified for Fighting, Righteously Rubikular Pyramid of Deathly Doom! (Funded by Pharaoh Hotep, Sponsored by Sam Sinister). Today, some of us Users had to come volunteer as staff since everyone else is otherwise occupied. Sam Sinister is also here to supervise us.
Sam Sinister: And I will gladly throw you all in the Scorpion Pit with Boogly.
Bubble Bomber: So that's why we haven't heard from Boogly!
Commandosaur: Wow, you truly are sinister, Sam Sinister!
Sam Sinister: Commandosaur, do not test me with bad puns, or any kind of pun at all.
Commandosaur: Well then, it's a good thing Terabyte isn't here! It sounds like you'd byte his head off!
Sam Sinister: Actually, I'd leave that to T-Rex.
Commandosaur: Yay! Dinosaurs!
Punctuation Penguin: Now, getting back to business, Surtatb2007 will be your referee today.
Punctuation Penguin: Now, without further interruptions, let's introduce the fighters! First up, this cosmic crook managed to steal his way past Nya and Curtis Bolt, however he was barred up by fellow felon Psyclone... Please welcome Space Villain in the Red Corner!
Space Villain: I guess that's the best introduction I can expect. For Blacktron!
Blacktron Supporters: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Punctuation Penguin: Next, this awesome Ultra Agent used his cunning and his technology to get past Camille, Tremorox and the Exo Force Team, but not even he could not survive the wrath of Terry. Give a big hand for Jack Fury!
Jack Fury: I have practiced since my last defeat, and this time, you can be sure that I will not go down easily - Or at all!
Surtatb2007: Well, after your last dismal performance, I sure hope you do better this time.
Jack Fury: I will, Sir!
Sam Sinister: Is this some sort of illegal conflict of interest?
Jack Fury: ...No, I was just shortening his name for easier use.
Sam Sinister: I sure hope that I won't have to disqualify you both. You may continue, Penguin.
Punctuation Penguin: Last but not least is one of Dr. Inferno's henchmen. In Round 1, this minifigure defeated Kai, Stealthor and No-Eyed Pete, but was easily dispatched of by the Geonosis Clone Trooper... In the Yellow corner is Fire-Arm!
Fire-Arm: You mean the awesome, epic, cool, spectacular, glorious, remarkable, sparkling, shocking, incredible and AWESOME Fire-Arm with an arm that shoots FIREY DEATH!!!!!!!!
Sam Sinister: No, he does not mean that, nor should he have. There are few people more self-glorifying than yourself, and that quality does not bid well for the many other positive qualities you proposed above. BubbleBomber, I believe we're looking for your part now?
BubbleBomber: Yep. I'm giving out the awards. First off, we don't have a user of the week award anymore.
Surtatb2007: Why not?
Sam Sinister: Because users are incompetent and arrogant, example #1 being the Prehistoric Extra Terrestrial at your right.
Commandosaur: But I'm at his right...
Sam Sinister: I forgot ignorant. Incompetent, Arrogant and Ignorant.
BubbleBomber: Well, the minifigure of the week is Squidman.
Sam Sinister: I highly doubt that. Squidman has already been minifigure of the week at least twice if memory serves me right.
BubbleBomber: Then it's Amset-Ra in the hopes that he will get well soon!
Sam Sinsiter: These awards were decided upon before Amset-Ra contracted Grundalitis, and while I do not doubt Amset-Ra's ability to be egotistical and selfish, I do not believe he was responsible for selecting the recipients.
BubbleBomber: Max, the LEGO Club Mascot?
Sam Sinister: At this point I don't care anymore. Get on with the battle.
BubbleBomber: Wait! Reverse time!
Punctuation Penguin: What did we miss?
Sam Sinister: Commandosaur needs to make a prediction, or else we're all going to be forced to keep him here and not throw him off of a 100 meter tall building and onto sharp, molten, acidic spikes, which will eventually give way to a vacuum that will consume you and keep you trapped in an abyssal void so horrid you will wish you never annoyed me.
Commandosaur: At least there aren't any spiders in the void. It can't be too bad.
Sam Sinister: How can you be certain that there aren't any spiders in the void?
Commandosaur: I checked. Or, more specifically, I threw Arctic Seahorse in and when I didn't hear any screams of terror I felt certain enough that there couldn't be any spiders.
BubbleBomber: So that's what happened to Arctic Seahorse.
Sam Sinister: Commandosaur, get on with your prediction, so that I may leave you behind in a pool of liquid nightmares full of antagonistic arachnids.
Commandosaur: What type of arachnid? Because Scorpions are cool, but Spiders are just horrifying, and I- AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BubbleBomber: We're losing users at an unprecented rate...
Sam Sinister: What are you waiting for? I want this battle over with as quickly as possible. I only came here because Pharaoh Hotep asked me to, and I intend to leave as soon as this battle is over.
Surtatb2007: Fight again!
Jack Fury: Hi-ya! Karate!
Blacktron Commander: Agent Cyrus, we're ready to fire on your command.
Space Villain: Copy that, Commander. Prepare to fire on Target Fury, Jack in 3... 2... 1...
Fire-Arm: Butterfly army, arrive!
Blacktron Commander: The Butterflies are jamming our targeting systems!
Space Villain: Argh! Mine too!
Surtatb2007: Psst... Fury, fire where you see a big, green LED.
Blink! Blink! Blink!
Blacktron Commander: I'm picking up a message... Fire at will! Everywhere except for where we have Agent Cyrus's bio-signature!
Zap! Zap! Zap!
Punctuation Penguin: A brief summary of what just happened: An enormous Blacktron ship arrived, but Fire-Arm summoned his Butterfly Army. Then, a green light started blinking on Space Villain's suit, giving away his position among the swarm of Butterflies. To counter this, the Blacktron ship began firing their green lasers everywhere, so that there were too many green targets to hit.
Fire-Arm: Bring me my mighty steed, Buttertron!
Punctuation Penguin: Fire-Arm has summoned a butterfly mech, Buttertron!
Space Villain: Commander, find the largest heat signature, and fire on that location!
Blacktron Commander: Copy that! Fire as soon as you've found the target!
Scanning... Scanning... Scanning...
Jack Fury: This is Agent Jack Fury to command, over.
Solomon Blaze: Command, over.
Jack Fury: Sir, bring over the entire team now! This is an emergency!
Solomon Blaze: I'd love to, but I'm having a reunion with Terry and Chuck Stonebreaker in 5 minutes. Plus, the others are playing Bingo, and I think that Bolt is winning.
Jack Fury: Wait! I want to play bingo too!
Fire-Arm: I rolled a Fury! Look, I found you!
Jack Fury: That's not how you play bingo.
Fire-Arm: Butterflies, take this agent away!
Zap! Zap! Zap!
Surtatb2007: Psst! Fury, your stud shooter will only take out one butterfly at a time. Try using one of your other gadgets!
Jack Fury: Exactly what I was planning!
Punctuation Penguin: Agent Fury used a hand-held Car Horn to... Um... I don't know what he was trying to do...
Butterfly Commander: FLEEEEEVISSSSSS!!!!!!
Surtatb2007: I don't think this is a very fair fight. Then again, Jack Fury is more than powerful enough to beat his opponents.
Sam Sinister: I will not allow this respectableish establishment's reputation to be tarnished by biased refereeing. Thankfully, we still have some trap doors installed.
BubbleBomber: We're the only ones left, PP...
Punctuation Penguin: Let's think happy thoughts...
Jack Fury: Like butterflies!
Fire-Arm: Ha. You may think butterflies are pretty and harmless, but that will be your downfall, for I have recognized their full potential as the world-conquering beasts that they are!
Space Villain: Have you located the Buttertron yet, Commander?
Blacktron Commander: We're aiming at the target now... Firing in 3... 2... 1...
Punctuation Penguin: The Blacktron ship was about to fire a laser to destroy Fire-Arm's Buttertron, but Fire-Arm sent his mech and army dashing towards the Blacktron ship at such speed that the laser isn't going to be able to fire! Meanwhile, on the ground, a different story is playing out...
Jack Fury: Forget it, felon! You're going where you belong, in a nice dark cell.
Space Villain: Ha, you and your fantasies. The foolishness of simple good guys has no end.
Jack Fury: You may find me foolish... But I have a furious wrath deep within me that knows no end!
Stud-Shooter action sequence! Awesome! Pew-pew sounds!
Space Villain: Ah... No... You may think... You have won, Fury... But the wrath of Blacktron... Is only... Just beginning... *CoughCoughWheezeDie*
Punctuation Penguin: Jack Fury managed to defeat the Superior Space Villain, but since the Blacktron ship lives on, Space Villain is technically still in! Meanwhile, Fire-Arm and his Butterfly army is launching a relentless assault against the Blacktron ship!
Blacktron Commander: Seal all air vents! Activate ray-shielding and thermally-heated-hull procedures! We can't let those butterflies stop us from avenging Agent Cyrus's death!
Fire-Arm: Feel the wrath of Lepidoptera! Succumb to the might of the tropical storm Butterflyclone! Quench your mouth with the taste of defeat at the hands of Rhopalocera!
Blacktron Commander: Activate the tractor beam on those butterflies! I've got an idea!
Professor Christina Hydron: May I suggest a new approach?
Blacktron Commander: Make it quick, kid. We've got a war to win and a fallen hero to avenge.
Blackboard appears, with several charts.
Professor Christina Hydron: Well, your main problem is the Buttertron. Tactical analysis of this robotic device reveals that it has several small laser cannons as well as a flamethrower mounted in the frontal area, just below the optical recievers. With Autopilot engaged, the Buttertron can travel up to 200 Meters/Second and is nearly impossible to hit as it avoids obstacles with near perfect precision. However, if the device is in Manual piloting mode, as it is now, it is much easier to aim with, more fun, more awesome and can still reach an impressive 100 Meters/Second. Fun fact: In place of a Proboscis, the Butterfly has a multi-purpose USB connector, for charging, hacking and uploading. It also has free internet and coffee mug holders, as well as leather-back heated seating and three rearview windows, all-
Blacktron Commander: Get to the point! In the meantime, keep pulling those insects into the tractor beam!
Professor Christina Hydron: My point is that just as the Buttertron has many positive similarities to butterflies, it also has an interesting side effect: It is extremely attracted to honey and the impulse to get to it overrides all other routines, including braking.
Blacktron Commander: Get some Premium Honey!
Blacktron Crew Member: But sir, the only honey we have on board is this one jar right here!
Blacktron Commander: Will this be enough? Ah, forget it, it's our only hope!
Blacktron Crew Member: Actually, the tractor beam was working pretty well...
Blacktron Commander: This is better for the story! Turn off the tractor beam and fire this honey in one of the escape pods!
Blacktron Crew Member: Sir, all of the escape pods were removed as part of your "Show no weakness, never give up, never surrender!" policy!
Blacktron Commander: Under who's orders?
Blacktron Crew Member: Yours, sir!
Blacktron Commander: Wow. I'm smarter than I remember being. Oh well, looks like there's only one option! Activate Protocol EVE SERPENT.
Vroom... Clank... Eek... Vroom!
Evil Mech: EVE SERPENT, reporting all systems positive. Linking with router arfp... Connecting... Connecting... Connecting... Access Obtained.
Blacktron Commander: EVE SERPENT, I need you to go down there and take out that Ultra Agent! He's the only thing standing between us, and victory!
Evil Mech: ERROR: Critical Systems Failure. REPORT: Low battery. Please plugin to recharge.
Blacktron Commander: Who forgot to plugin the Evil Mech this time?
Blacktron Crew Member: I think it was Lewis.
Blacktron Commander: Well then, I'lm glad to hear how eager you are to go for a little flight! All in the name of Blacktron, of course!
Lewis: I don't even work for Blacktron! I'm a Spyrius Spy! Ah!!!!!!!!
Punctuation Penguin: After a long lecture from Professor Hydron, the Blacktron Commander threw Lewis out the window along with the honey jar to give it more momentum. Unfortunately, it was discovered on the way down that Lewis was actually a Spyrius Spy! As well, the butterflies and the Buttertron have now diverted their attention away from the Blacktron Ship and are looking inquisitively at the honey jar.
Fire-Arm: No! Nothing interesting over there! Now go back to attacking the air vents and invading the main engine!
Butterfly Commander: FLEEVISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAIOUTAMASBON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fire-Arm: BAIL SHIP!
Punctuation Penguin: When the Buttertron crashed into the honey it exploded, destroying Fire-Arm's might army of insects.
Jack Fury: You forgot to look behind you.
Punctuation Penguin: After Jack Fury snuck up on Fire-Arm, the Blacktron vehicle took advantage of the opportunity and killed two minifigures with one high-intensity laser blast, so to speak.
Sam Sinister: Since we don't have a referee anymore, I assume responsibility and declare that both Fire-Arm and Jack Fury are eliminated, making the late Space Villain the winner. Now good bye!
Space Villain: Yay!
Punctuation Penguin: Space Villain, aren't you dead?
Space Villain: Come on, you know me better than that. Every good Blacktron member has another trick under the trick up his hidden sleeve. The replica out there was just a robot! I had to charge him all morning, and the only power socket strong enough was EVE SERPENT's.
Lewis: That explains a lot.
Blacktron Commander: Agreed, but how are YOU still alive?
Lewis: I'm using a hologram projector right now.
Jack Fury: So am I!
Punctuation Penguin: You're supposed to use the decoy DURING the battle...
BubbleBomber: Hey, guys, I found Commandosaur, Surtatb2007 and ArcticSeahorse!
Punctuation Penguin: Wow! How'd you do it?
BubbleBomber: The power of continuity.
After the Battle
Cantina Music is Playing. Suddenly, a green alien wearing the Taco Tuesday Guy's hat and holding a Scorpion runs in.
Frenzy: Help! The crazy haired person is trying to get me! I be needing a place to hide!
|<Previous Battle||Next Battle>|
|Season 1 Battles|
|Round 1||First Half: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16|
Second Half: 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38
|Round 2||First Half: 17 | 18 | 19 | 20|
Second Half: 39 | 40 | 41 | 42
|Round 3||First Half: 21|
Second Half: 43
|Specialty||Amset-Ra vs. Sting Rayzor | Amset-Ra vs. Pharaoh Hotep|