<Previous Battle Next Battle>
Do I have to tell you what kind of page this is?
Season 2, Round 2, Battle 7 (84th battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on January 17, 2016
The Announcer

The Referee

The Predictor

The Red Corner
If he wields the ONE Cheerio to rule them all, then why do I see boxes of them everywhere?

Rank 23; 1-0
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Green Corner
The Great Devourer
The Great Devourer
Lunch is on the house. In the house rather. And by "house", I mean this guy.

Rank 25; 1-0
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Yellow Corner
I'd laugh if this guy thinks he can take down not one, but TWO mega villains with more than enough guts to win.

Rank 23; 1-1
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Blue Corner

Nominated by

Before the Battle

The seven members of the TARDIS are partying in Amset-Ra's office. They would have partied in the basement where they have had their headquarters this whole time, but since certain nosy Pyramid Staff guys found the TARDIS in the cellar, they have barricaded themselves in Amset-Ra's office. So here they are, partying.

Commander Flash: I knew we could trust AntiMatter to win!

Hoodwink: But why him?

Commander Flash: Because Lord Vampyre is an idiot, Terabyte is up to no good, and Darth Maul is insane.

Rose: It's great to hear that Lord Vampyre has been eliminated from the playoffs!

DJ: Yeah, but I wasn't too crazy about Terabyte losing.

Spike: He shouldn't worry. His friend Toxikita is already in Round 3.

Streak: And now that Alpha Draconis has joined us, we'll be unstoppable!

DJ: Dude, he lost to Alien Commander. Can we really use him?

Commander Flash: I have even better news. Our seven decoys are in a distinctive TARDIS-marked submarine in the sunken city of Mahri Nui.

Rose: So?

Commander Flash: It has attracted the attention of Pyramid Staff Team G, as well as Aquaman. When the team gets close enough, the decoys will-







Commander Flash: -defies Sensei Wu's prophecy. The prophecy states that it takes seven teams to defeat the seven shadows. But with one team less, it shall never come to pass!

Hoodwink: Brilliant!


Sensei Wu: Prophecy, nothing. I simply time-travelled with the TARDIS to the future to find out this information.


The café is packed. The first six teams are meeting there to discuss the identities of the TARDIS.

Dr. Inferno: I'll be right back.

Dr. Inferno walks into the computer room, which is adjacent to the café. Suddenly, all the computer screens turn on, all showing Commander Flash's shadowy face. Oh, and there are small black squares floating around all the images.

Dr. Inferno: What do you want, Commander Flash?

Commander Flash's voice blares in Dr. Inferno's ears.

Commander Flash: I want you, Inferno. I want you in Amset-Ra's office, immediately!

Dr. Inferno: …Okay.

Dr. Inferno starts to leave, when Commander Flash stops him.

Commander Flash: No, Inferno. There's a faster way.

Six shadowy figures emerge from the shadows. Dr. Inferno instantly recognizes them as the TARDIS. He also notices-


Now he doesn't notice anything due to being unconscious.





???: -get that on tape?

???: I did.

???: Excellent. Now......decoys......pods.

???: You mean..........sub?

???: Yes.......exterminate.......staff.

???: .......couldn't......

???: Ié.

???: .....Commander.......

Back in the café…

Wyldstyle: So does anyone else think that Nya is Hoodwink?

Caila: No, she can't be. Hoodwink is a boy with short legs.

Wyldstyle: Oh.

Ogel: It could be possible that Terabyte is Commander Flash…

The Doctor: Then how would he manage the floating without legs?

Ogel: I see your point.

ProMatter: i think he's Slizer. last i saw him, he had a pointy hat.

Axel: Guys!! He has to be Wrayth. Who else would float with out legs and rattle chains in anger.

Fluminox: The Phoenix king admires your theory, given the fact that Wrayth is the Chain Master. Therefore, the Phoenix king will keep watching for him. Any more theories, the Phoenix king asked?

Frenzy: GUYS!!!!!! Dr. Inferno has been KIDNAPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ogel: Interesting theory.

Pharaoh Hotep: And then I suppose that Gold Tooth and Spy Clops are comimg to rescue him from the Agents' Mobile Command Center?

Frenzy: I'm SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The entire TARDIS knocked him out and dragged him away. There was even a CAMERA GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: Did this camera girl have a helmet with hair?

Ogel: That's a plume.

Frenzy: No. She had SHORT LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and Commander Flash appeared on every computer screen, surrounded by these weird black SQUARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: Strange. All right everybody, let's move out! Where did they go, Frenzy?

Frenzy: Amset-Ra's OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: Let's go!


Wyldstyle: What? Uh-oh…

Frenzy: MAGICAL HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: Let's get out of here fast!

The Battle

At the Axle Bar…

The Cantina music plays as Snake juggles three drinks before sliding them down the counter toward some customers. The Skull Twins enter.

Snake: Well, if it isn't my old friends the Skull Twins! What will it be, pals?

Skull Twin 1: The usual.

Snake: On the house, my old friends!

Snake quickly whips up two BrickBurgers, two boxes of fries, and two Octan sodas, and serves them to the Skull Twins.

TV: We now broadcast you the live battle from Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid.

Streak: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid, which is now under new ownership!

Skull Twin 2: Let me guess… the rumored TARDIS?

Streak: In the Red Corner is the feared Lord of the Rings vilain and Commander Flash's servant, Sauron!

Skull Twin 1: What!

Sauron: Thou shalt not destroy Sauron the Great!

Skull Twin 2: Is that a new law?

Skull Twin 1: I hope not.

Streak: In the Green Corner is our other servant, the Great Devourer!

Great Devourer: I never wasssssssssss your ssssssssssservant.

Streak: Or so you thought. In the Yellow Corner is Benny the nobody!

Benny: I am not spaceship a nobody!

Streak: Or so you thought. Hoodwink, make your prediction.

The Mouth of Sauron appears.

Mouth of Sauron: Backest thou off, servant of the TARDIS. I shalt make the prediction.

Skull Twin 2: What does that jerk think he's doing?

Mouth of Sauron: I shalt make my prediction given Sauron is my boss, the Great Devourer is a product of Pythor, and Benny knowest not how to fight. The Great Devourer can be defeated not without the four Golden Weapons, which Sauron and Benny possess not. On the bright side, Sauron owneth the One Ring, which he can use against his adversaries. The only good thing that Benny has is his knowledge of spaceships, which his opponents know not. Therefore, my prediction, analysis, and vote go to the Great Devourer.

Skull Twin 2: Blah blah blah!

Skull Twin 1: Well, they don't call him the Big Mouth of Sauron for nothing. Wait, it looks like several Orcs are escorting the Big Mouth away!

Sauron: How darest thou vote against me?

Mouth of Sauron: But Master Sauron, I had to. Thou knowest not the Great De-

Sauron: I do now, thanks to thee! Ninja, throw me thy weapons!

Cole: Never!

Sauron: Grrr… Orcs, stealeth thou the weapons of the Ninja!


Sauron: Now I am the most powerful fighter ever to set foot here.

Great Devourer: Sssssssssssaid the fighter who losssssssssssst to me.

Sauron: Don't make me laugh!

Streak: Brawn, start the fight!

Brawn: Fight. Oh, and give Brawn all of your food!

Sauron: Thy weapons… thy efforts… just mattereth not.

AntiMatter scowls at Sauron.

Sauron: Sorry.

Great Devourer: Ssssssssssee you in the Planet Sssssssssssselva Galaxy.

Sauron: See you in Mount Doom!

Benny: See you in my spaceship spaceship SPACESHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great Devourer: Lookssssssssss like my appetizer hassssssssss arrived.

Benny: Eat lasers!

Pew pew!

Great Devourer: Delicioussssssssssss.


Sauron: Now, with my One Ring, I shalt… wait… WHERE GOETH MY ONE RING?!

In a jewelry shop…

Jeweler: This is a beautiful ring. Where did you find it?

Max Burns: Um…

Back at the match…

Great Devourer: You, warlord… I ssssssssshall ssssssssssave you for desssssssssssert.

Sauron: Thou bitest off more than thou canst chew, eh?

Great Devourer: Do not condesssssssscend me. I can chew you both at the sssssssssame time. Sssssssspacesssssssship and all.

Benny: You, Sauron! Eat lasers! It spaceship full of protein, Vitamin C-

Pew pew pew!

Sauron: -and pain!

Great Devourer: Have you finisssssssssshed fooling around? Good. Benny, approach me.

Benny: Thank you spaceship, but I'll let my lasers do spaceship that.

Pew pew dink dink!

Great Devourer: Iccccccccce-hardened titanium armor. Zane wassssssssss kind enough to recommend the Four Weaponssssssssss Blackssssssssssmith Sssssssshop to me.

Sauron: Construct!


Jestro: Plagiarism!

Sauron: What? All I did was build thy Evil Mobile!

Jestro: Exactly!

Sauron: Sparkks, pulleth thou my Evil Mobile!

Jestro: Yours?

Sauron: Exactly.

Sparkks: Which. Is. My. First. Target?

Jestro: Sorry. Most giant cyclopses are slow in speech.

Sauron: Toward that idiotic-looking spaceship.

Benny: My spaceship is not idiotic!

Pew pew pew pew pew!

Sparkks: Ow.




Sauron jumps down from his seat, rips the Book of Monsters from the chest, and hurls it toward Benny's open cockpit.




Great Devourer: Ugh… Dizzy…

Brawn: Benny out.

Streak: The BoM flew into Benny's open cockpit and bit him, causing him to fly straight into the Great Devourer's head!

Great Devourer: You… win… jusssssst… leave a messsssssage… for Pythor…

Sauron: What? Does this mean I winneth?

Great Devourer: KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Brawn: Great Devourer win.

Streak: The Great Devourer feigned defeat, then ate the whole Evil Mobile! Tune in next match, when Commandosaur will write Alien Commander vs. AntiMatter vs. The Great Devourer!


Streak: That's just the fourth wall. From ARFP, this is Streak, signing off.

After the Battle

In Mahri Nui…

Mace Windu: There's the TARDIS sub. Aquaman, look inside to see what you can see.

He does, then swims back to Mace.

Aquaman: All seven TARDIS agents are inside, looking at a map.

Mace: Perfect. All right team, move in!

Clouse: But this house be not for sale!

Mace: It's just a figure of speech.

Team G enter the sub.

Commander Flash: No trespassing! This is private property!

Mace: Says you and what army?

Commander Flash: Says me and this army! Get them… wait… Put Operation Run-for-your-money into effect!

The seven TARDIS agents take off in escape pods.

Master Chen: Let's chase them!

Mace: Let them go.

Fire-Arm: Wait, is that a ticking sound?

Mace: It is!


Outside the destroyed sub…

Mace: Yes! Our decoys worked! Hold up. We're missing someone. Is Clouse with us?

Clouse: Present.

Mace: Fire-Arm?

Fire-Arm: Present.

Mace: Jack Fury?

Jack Fury: Present.

Mace: Dr. McScrubs?

Dr. McScrubs: Present.

Mace: Master Ch- wait, you just spoke in purple! Morro, stop playing games!


Morro: You just walked into a trap.

Mace: What do you mean?

Morro: You see, Master Chen and I are spies. While Master Chen steals everyone's powers, except for you, Mace Windu, I will possess you and use you to destroy the rest of this team.

Mace: Nooooooooooo!

In Amset-Ra's office…

Commander Flash is watching the whole thing on a big screen TV.

Commander Flash: My plan is working perfectly. In a few minutes, the decoys should return to the pyramid.

Rose: Then what?

Commander Flash: They'll destroy the rest of the Pyramid Staff.

DJ: Awesome, man. High five!


In the other room…

Amset-Ra: Eh, what's up, Doc?

Dr. Inferno: A fine mess we're in. Now I'm tied to a chair.

Amset-Ra: And the TARDIS is using my office as their headquarters. What else can go wrong?

Thirty minutes later…

Team A

Wyldstyle: There's Commander Flash and his motley crew, all dressed to kill.

Axel: Let's get them!

Wyldstyle and Ogel tackle Commander Flash to the ground while the rest of the TARDIS scatter. Axel grabs his Shadow Vacuum, an invention made by Dr. Brains, and sucks the shadows off of Commander Flash to reveal…

Wyldstyle: Terabyte?!

Terabyte: Yes, that would be me.

Wyldstyle: Why would you do this?

Terabyte: 'Cause technically, it's so much fun being a double agent!

Later, Team B reveals Streak to be Alpha Draconis, Team C reveals Hoodwink to be Nya, Team D reveals Brawn to be Tremorox, Team E reveals Spike to be (or not to to be, that is the question) Toxikita, and Team F reveals DJ to be Kranxx.

Wyldstyle: Only Rose is left.

Terabyte: To tell the truth, guys… we're only decoys.

Wyldstyle: WHAT?!

Terabyte: The real TARDIS is still loose in the pyramid.

Wyldstyle: Well, we'd better get going.

Team G enters the pyramid.

Mace: Sorry we're late, we had to get rid of some spies.

Eventually, Team G roumds yo Rose and reveals her to be…


The Fierce Flame: Yes. I was dragged into this business. I'm sorry.

Kranxx: Actually, the Rench theory is true. He is me with a bad cold.

Wyldstyle: All right everyone, let's stop the TARDIS!

Everyone else: YEAH! (throw in a few exclamation marks for Frenzy)

The Winner
The Great Devourer
The Great Devourer
<Previous Battle Next Battle>

See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Sauron vs. The Great Devourer vs. Benny?

The poll was created at 18:55 on August 10, 2017, and so far 0 people voted.