Psyclone: Welcome, everyone, to Psyclone's Interview Studio.
Dr. Inferno: Dr. Inferno's Interview Studio.
Psyclone: Whatever. Today, I'm interviewing a little-known creature, Gollum.
Gollum enters and sits in the interviewee's chair.
Gollum: We're going to get interviewed, my precioussssss!
Psyclone: That's right! First question: Who are you talking to?
Gollum: You're Smeagol, aren't you, my preciousssss?
Psyclone: And why do you call Smeagol "my precious"?
Gollum: "We're going to get interviewed, Smeagol!" It's not the same, isn't it, my precious, gollum!
Psyclone: And why do you say "Gollum!"?
Gollum: It would make him sick if I told him, my preciousssss, so I'd rather not.
Psyclone: What was with that riddle game that you and Bilbo Baggins played?
Gollum: I never knew his name was Bagginses, my precioussssss! Well, it was one of our many family traditionses, passed on from generation to generation. It was played with every guest we got, isn't that right, my preciousssssss?
Psyclone: Audience questions! Seat EVIL LEGO.
Ogel: What was the deal with Shelob?
Gollum: Well, my precioussssss, I fed my pet every tresspasser that came along. He hasn't had a decent meal in years, gollum! I really should invest in spider kibble, my precioussssss!
Half the audience faints.
Psyclone: Seat PORTAL EMPEROR.
AntiMatter: MAY I TURN YOU INTO A VILLAIN?
Psyclone: No, he's already hideous as he is. Seat ANTIMATTER.
Portal Emperor: I'm in the wrong seat!
Psyclone: No, you're not; seat ONERING.
Bilbo: Thanks for the ring!
Gollum: Curse it! It stole my birthday present! Attack, my preciousssss!
Gollum: Very well... I haven't realized until now that my precioussssss is only make-believe. SECURITY, GOLLUM!
Two Inferno Henchmen arrive at Bilbo's seat, only to find... nothing.
Bilbo: I'm invisible!
Gollum: I can see that, my preciousssss.
A giant spider enters.
Spider: I hope I'm not too late... Oops, I forgot to change back into my Beorn form!
Beorn morphs into a Stormtrooper and blasts all over the place. A laser hits the camera and ends the transmission.