Metalbeard vs. Yoda vs. Axl vs. K-2SO

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Once upon a time, there was a prophecy that today there would be a battle. 'Nuff said.

Season 3, Round 1, Battle 24 (110th battle overall)

Written by Nexobyte on January 6, 2017

The Announcer Wyldstyle

The Referee Tee-Vee

The Predictor Ogel

The Red Corner Metalbeard "When in doubt, go all out" should not apply to fashion or cyborgs.

Rank 24; 2-1 Nominated by Commandosaur

The Green Corner Yoda With this one, strong, the Force is, but in battle spirit, strong, is he as well, hmm?

Unranked; 0-1 Nominated by infinitychef

The Yellow Corner Axl Oh hey, Brawn. I know it's you. Nice axe. You should probably pig out on salad once in a while.

New Nominated by Surtatb2007

The Blue Corner K-2SO A rebel droid. Who rebels against authority. A very bad role model.

New Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Battle

Wyldstyle: Welcome to-

Audience: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wyldstyle: I didn't even tell you the news yet. The news is: We fixed Tee-Vee, so he's back in action! Don't cheer; you did that already. In the Red Corner, our returning champion who could usea a new body, Metalbeard!

Metalbeard: I don't be needing a new body! Standard minifigure bodies be old-school!

Wyldstyle: I think not. In the Green Corner, the appropriately green Yoda!

Yoda: Easy being green, it is not.

Wyldstyle: I think that's a first! No wait, there was Tremorox in Season 1... Anyway, in the Yellow Corner, the appropriately yellow Axl!

Axl: Let's go for three, baby! Oh, and can we be done in ten minutes for lunch?

Wyldstyle: You'll be fine, Axl. Most battles last less than five. Playing a VR version of Dimensions in the Blue Corner is the rebellious droid K-2SO!

K-2SO: I am completely satisfied with my character selection here. All that needs to be accomplished is the defeat of Master Chen on this level.

Master Chen: No! If I am to defeat you, it will be in the ring! Of the Tournament of Elements, that is.

Jyn Erso: You'll have to excuse him. After the Rogue One movie, he got a memory wipe and a complete personality makeover.

Wyldstyle: Ah. All right, Ogel, question number one! Who will win this fight tonight? A: Metalbeard, B: Yoda, C: Axl, or D: K-2SO?

Ogel: Hmm... How about... A: Metalbeard? He dwarfs the naturally big Axl, as well as the rest of the competition.

Metalbeard: They be not dwarves to me! Well... Yoda be lookin' a little dwarfish...

Yoda: Put up with, what Jedi Masters do...

Wyldstyle: Aww, I'm sorry Ogel, but the correct answer is E: Just watch the match and find out. All right, what should Ogel's punishment be, audience?

Audience: SHOOT HIM OUT OF A CANNON!

Wyldstyle: We don't have one available, but Metalbeard's left arm will do.

Metalbeard loads Ogel into his arm.

Wyldstyle: Tee-Vee, start the match.

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

Ding ding ding!

BLAM!

Ogel: Oof!

Axl: Is that all you got.

Wyldstyle: Metalbeard fired Ogel at Axl, who blocked it with the flat side of his NEXO Axe.

Axl: Now let's see... Which NEXO Power should I use...

Bzzznnn!

Axl: Just a moment, Yoda... I got it! Stone Stun!

Whoosh whoosh whoosh!

Axl: NEXOOOOOOOOO KNIGHTS!

Metalbeard: Lamest. Battle cry. Ever.

Yoda: Agree, I do. Lamer than "For the Republic!", it is.

K-2SO: Ah! Where did all these Lord Vortech clones come from?!

Metalbeard: What? There be no Lord Vortech clones round these parts. He not be here since last season!

Clank clank clank!

Metalbeard: Sigh... Spinning stones at me pegleg be like sinking a ship with a ball.

Axl: Believe me, that's happened before. Slime Blast!

SPLAT!

Metalbeard: No... I can't move!

Yoda: Destroy K-2SO I could, but paying attention he is not. ...Meh, Destroy him anyway I will!

K-2SO: YODA?! I first perceived that Disney characters did not appear in this game.

Slash!

K-2SO: You have missed, Master Yoda.

Axl:' Hey Yoda, aren't you gonna give in to your anger like that Anakin guy did?

Yoda: Since mention my being angry you did, angry at you I am.

Clash! Slash! Vzzzrk!

Yoda: Underestimating my skills, you are.

Axl: I fought tougher guys than you before breakfast!

Yoda: Noticed, have you, that good guys, all four of us are?

Axl: You're more like my enemy right now!

Yoda: Your opponent, I am. Not your enemy.

Axl: Uh... Yoda? Aren't you holding a popsicle right now? Could you taste it to make sure it is?

Yoda: Taste it, I will.

BZZZT!

Tee-Vee: Yoda = Eliminated.

Wyldstyle: After an exhilarating duel, Axl made Yoda eat his own saber! That's rich! Ahahahahahaha!

Metalbeard: Yoo-hoo, matey! I be free!

Axl: Bubblegum Misfire!

SPLAT!

Metalbeard: THIS BE NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Axl: Bite your tongue. The audience thinks it's a scream.

Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, at the Axle Bar & Grill...

Snake: Oh no! New supervillain on the loose!

Kranxx: Shut up. It's just the ARFP audience across the street.

Back at the match...

Axl: Let's play Whack-A-Pirate! Who's with me?

K-2SO: Maybe after I beat this boss...

THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK!

Metalbeard: Heh... heheh... I be not called Metalbeard fer no reason, matey! I may be stuck, but I be not helpless! Ogel, get in my cannon, we be going hunting!

Ogel: Is this the circus?

Metalbeard: Uh... sure!

Ogel complies.

BLAM! SLAM!

Axl: AhhhhhhhI'llbebackahhhhhhforlunchahhhhhh-

Ding!

Tee-Vee: Axl = Eliminated.

Wyldstyle: Metalbeard fired Ogel at Axl and sent him out of the stadium!

Metalbeard: And now, droid, what be it fer ye, matey?

K-2SO: Five more minutes...

Metalbeard: Of Metalbeard-tested-and-approved awesome strength! Ye got it, matey!

'SNAP!

Wyldstyle: He broke free of the bubblegum, and is now maneuvering toward K-2SO, who is oblivious to the match!

Slam!

Dr. Inferno: Give. Back. My. Virtual. Reality. 6066L€Z!!!!!!!!

Trip!

K-2SO: Out of all respect, I was not finis-

SLAM!

Metalbeard: What be- AAARGH!

Fwoooom!

Tee-Vee: Ring out. K-2SO = Winner.

Wyldstyle: Well... that was... random. Dr. Inferno ran in, tripped over the ropes, and collided with K-2SO, taking off his goggles in the process, and they rolled across the floor and into Metalbeard, knocking him out of the arena. Also the phone lit on fire because it was a Brickphone Universe 7.

Dr. Inferno: Yes! I got my goggles back!

K-2SO: My phone...

Jek-14: I'll put it back together.

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Jek-14: You were playing VR Dimensions on Makuta's phone?

Makuta: VR Dimensions exists?

K-2SO: See for yourself.

And as the camera pans out, K-2SO guides Jek-14 and Makuta through the game.

The Winner

K-2SO

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.