Geonosis Clone Trooper vs. Lord Vladek vs. Skeleton

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This battle feels awfully familiar...

Season 3, Round 1, Battle 41 (134th battle overall)

Written by NexoByte on August 11, 2018

The Announcer Wyldstyle

The Referee Tee-Vee

The Predictor Ogel

The Red Corner Geonosis Clone Trooper Requesting name shortening over here!

Red Corner rank Nominated by Commandosaur

The Green Corner

Nominated by

The Yellow Corner Lord Vladek Ogel's ancestor, huh? Ogel must have gotten his annoyance from somewhere, right?

New Nominated by Punctuation Penguin

The Blue Corner Skeleton Coming from a cemetery near you!

New Nominated by Commandosaur

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra is soaking in his forbidden hot tub when Pharaoh Hotep approaches him.

Amset-Ra: I meant to say this last battle, but how come I'm still here when I really wanted to come with you to stop Shadow, Bird, and Tech?

Pharaoh Hotep: Those coronas still hurt...

Amset-Ra: And how come you're still here when you took your team out to stop Shadow, Bird, and Tech?!I

Pharaoh Hotep: The same reason you're hearing the others in the background.

???: Give me back my hair!

???: NO WAY!!!!!!!

???: Update complete.

???: Excellent, my authentic, beautiful, creative...

Pharaoh Hotep: See?

Amset-Ra: How... What...

Pharaoh Hotep: What is this sorcery, you ask? Well, myself and some of the other Pyramid Staff members are from a parallel universe.

Amset-Ra: Cliché.

Pharaoh Hotep: No, really! NexoByte made all this up just to use the characters while Surtatb2007 is away.

Amset-Ra: Ah. That explains a lot.

Pharaoh Hotep: Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take a pill for my LEGO Overwatch hype.

He leaves the room.

Amset-Ra: Wait, there a pills to cure hype? Oh wait, those are chill pills.

He has a double take.

Amset-Ra: LEGO Overwatch?! I need one of those pills!

He gets out of the hot tub, almost forgetting his wraps, and runs after his dad.

Amset-Ra: Never run by a pool. Don't be a hypocrite like me.

The Battle

Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!

Audience: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhuh?

Wyldstyle: Believe me, I know. This is weird. I'm supposed to be captured by Shadow, Bird, and Tech right now. But here I am. I'm from a parallel universe! Did any of you read the Before the Battle section?

About a dozen minifigures raise their hands. A few flash sheepish grins.

Amset-Ra: Psst! The seat coronas!

Wyldstyle: I forgot about those!

She presses a button, and all the minifigures who didn't raise their hands are burnt up by Amset-Ra's spare crowns lying under the seats.

Amset-Ra: Thst's right, I own about 7,000 crowns!

Wyldstyle: What about wraps?

Amset-Ra: Got plenty of those. One of 'em is even signed by Mr. Gold himself!

Audience: REALLY?!

Vladek: That really doesn't matter. I've got a helmet forged with fire and signed by the great Tee-Vee!

The audience cheers.

Wyldstyle: Oh no! I accidentally hit the button for invisibility!

Amset-Ra: It's not your fault. Both buttons are white with green trim and labeled "Press this button to make your annoying guests disappear".

Wyldstyle: Okay. In the Red Corner, the long-time-serving clone with the long name, GCT!

GCT: Second only to Specialized Geo-

Wyldstyle: Right, I get the idea. In the Yellow Corner (the Green Corner is in for repairs), the unspeakable one's ancestor and great king of Morcia, Lord Vladek!

King Mathias: Traitor!

Vladek: Yes! I'm totally soaking up the glory right now!

Ogel: You go, Gramps!

Amset-Ra: Like father, like evil conqueror...

Ogel: I feel misrepresented!

Wyldstyle: In the Blue Corner is a single skeleton.

Amset-Ra: Apparently this skeleton doesn't speak.

Wyldstyle: Apparently Ogel is predicting today.

Amset-Ra: Again?!

Ogel: Most definitely the Skeleton will win. He does, after all, look like one of my Skeleton Drones.

He falls through the Green Corner.

Ogel: Aaaahhhh...

Crunch.

Amset-Ra: I could have told you the Green Corner was in for repairs!

Ogel: Aaahhh! Poison Ivy's plants and stuff! They burrrrrn!

Poison Ivy: Now you know why it's called the Green Corner!

Vladek: I'm avenging Junior right now!

WOP!

Amset-Ra: Aaaahhhhh...

Ding!

Wyldstyle: Well, I guess Tee-Vee gets to start the battle!

Tee-Vee: Battle:start.

GCT: Watch the hole in the Green Corner!

Vladek: It'll be your grave!

Wyldstyle: Vladek tries to lunge toward GCT, but the clone leaps over the Green Corner!

Crash! RattleRattle

GCT: Oh, it's you, Mr. Skeleton. I forgot you were here.

Vladek: Skeletons were a staple in various Castle subthemes.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And I've been reading past battles.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And one of the fighters was named Frakjaw.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And he was a skeleton.

GCT: So?

Vladek: And his head was used as cannon fodder.

GCT: So what's your point?

Vladek: I'm going to use the Skeleton as a weapon!

GCT: I kinda saw that coming.

Vladek: Construct!

GCT: You know, it's really not necessary to announce your-

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Wyldstyle: It's a cannon.

Vladek: Not just any old cannon. No, it's a Geonosian Cannon!

GCT: How flattering.

Vladek: It's kinda really powerful. Hopefully powerful enough to destroy you in one hit.

GCT: With this kind of armor? Highly unlikely.

Vladek: But your own gun can kill you.

GCT: It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Pew pew pew!

GCT: Huh?

Pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpewpew!

Wyldstyle: GCT shoots at the Geonosian Cannon, but a force field is rendering his efforts useless!

Vladek: Even Ogel's tech is dated. I affiliated myself with Blacktron two years ago, and they lent me this force field projector.

Load!

Vladek: Now I've loaded the entire Skeleton into the cannon. Goodbye, Geonosis Clone Trooper!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Vladek: There must have been a technical failure! The cannon as just imploded!

Wyldstyle: A cookie to whoever finds the Q in the above sound effect!

Plop.

GCT: It appears the Skeleton survived.

RattleRattleRattle

GCT: And now it's standing up!

Vladek: Skeleton! Don't you remember me? You were Unit DL309 in my army!

GCT: Only Castle 2007 has a DL legion. And besides, I don't think you used skeletons in Morcia.

Vladek: Curses! A minor oversight at worst, though.

Snap.

GCT: Blast him!

Pewpewpewpewpewpewpewpew!

Wyldstyle: The Skeleton has successfully blocked GCT's lasers using its arm! I guess we can say he is considered armless and dangerous!

Vladek: No puns allowed here! Fortunately I still have a spare halberd from my back pocket!

GCT: What do you plan to use it for?

Vladek: I'm going to make chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop-

Wyldstyle: And something happened to Vladek's voice! Who could have seen that coming, ladies and gentlemen?!

Vladek: Ahem. As I was saying before my voice enhancer gave way, I'm going to make chop suey out of the Skeleton and save GCT for dessert.

GCT: I assure you, I'm not tasty. *points* Incoming!

Throw! Wham!

GCT: Gah!

Vladek: Baseball was always my specialty.

Wyldstyle: The Skeleton threw its arm at Vladek, who batted it at GCT with his halberd!

GCT: You know what? The Skeleton is taking up too much room.

Lift!

GCT: Hey Ogel! Want an extra soldier?

Ogel: You're throwing the Skeleton down here, right?

GCT: Yeah!

Ogel: It can't be a Skeleton Drone unless it was a normal minifigure before, you know.

GCT: Oh... Well have it anyway!

Toss!

Ogel: Ouch!

Tee-Vee: Ring-out. Skeleton:Eliminated.

Vladek: Wanna join him?

GCT: Nah, I think you should. Your descendant is down there, after all.

Vladek: He can climb out. Unlike you...

GCT: Construct!

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

Vladek: Hey! You can't play my own joke back on me!

GCT: That's right. I just built a Geonosian Cannon. Now where's the firing button... Oh, here it is!

Press.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

Tee-Vee: GCT:Eliminated. Winner:Vladek.

Wyldstyle: GCT's own cannon blew up on him. Must have been a Skeleton in there...

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Shark Suit Guy: I found the Q!

Tee-Vee: 🍪

Audience: YYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE3EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA4HHHHHHHHHHH!

That night...

Ogel: *to the Skeleton* ...and so I finally maintained order in LEGO City, with everyone being Skeleton Drones. Wasn't that a great story? I wonder when help will arrive... Or maybe they'll fix up the Green Corner.

After the Battle

Amset-Ra's house.

Vakama: *on TV* ...chop chop chop chop chop chop...

Amset-Ra: That's gonna be my new ringtone. Here's to another pointless ending!

The Winner

Lord Vladek

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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.