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|This is the 10th battle of Season 3.|
|Season 3, Round 1, Battle 11 (97th battle overall)|
|Written by Commandosaur on July 9, 2016|
Ocean King and Alien Avenger
They call him "Fernandez" in Mexico...
Nominated by Commandosaur
On Plancton V, they know him as a saviour. With many Hot Dogs...
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
Some may call him "Crazy" or "Maniacal"...
Nominated by Himself
But there is only one title to which he should respond...
Nominated by NexoByte
The most handsome alien in the universe.
Nominated by ArcticSeahorse
Before the Battle
In the newly-constructed "Office of Pyramidic Affairs," Amset-Ra is meeting with the other important staff of the Fighting Pyramid.
Amset-Ra: Where are all my fans?!
Terabyte: I guess you could say that they're gone like the wind.
Wyldstyle: Hey, that reminds me of a joke about a computer hacker who was walking on a very thin line... So thin that a single corona could make him gone like the wind.
Benny: That's a movie!
Amset-Ra: What are you doing here?!
Benny: Well, this guy asked me to fly him over here, so I picked him up and brought him in my spaceship Spaceship SPACESHIP!
A legion of Roman Soldiers crowds into the room and the hallway outside, carrying a large throne upon which sits their Emperor.
Benny: Oh, and his friends. I forgot about the friends part.
Amset-Ra: How could you get so many people into your spaceship Space- I mean spaceship?
Benny: I borrowed a 7676 Republic Attack Gunship from 2008, and made a few modifications.
Roman Commander: Attention, troops!
Roman Commander: His holiness, the Roman Emperor, will now speak!
Roman Emperor: Greetings, Amset-Ra! This is quite a... nice operation you have developed here.
Amset-Ra: Thanks... Say, which Emperor are you, actually? Nero? Augustus? Constantine?
Roman Emperor: Ah, you know that actually identifying me with a real historical figure means identifying me with all of the morally ambiguous acts which they committed. Affiliating with those unsavoury parts of human history is too risky for us minifigures.
Amset-Ra: So you're Caesar?
Roman Emperor: Obviously. The imperial version of him, if that had ever existed.
Dr. Inferno: Paying Tremorox to uphold our fourth wall was really a great idea!
Amset-Ra: Well, Roman Emperor, to what do we owe the pleasure of your presence?
Roman Emperor: I came when I heard that you were having difficulty finding fans... I believe that I may have a suggestion which could fix that issue.
Meanwhile, in the Champion's Suite...
Frenzy: (Rustling through closet.) Toothpaste... Toothbrush... Toothache-in-a-bottle... Toothium Isotopes... Tooth of Truth Cream... Bath Bubbles?!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, in outer space...
Finn: Rey, we're going to be late!
Rey: This is my battle, my ship, and for as much as you're concerned, we still have 30 parsecs!
Meanwhile, deep beneath the sea...
Portal Emperor: I said fire CRACKERS, not fire NINJA!
Core Hunter: Aw, shucks. That makes a lot more sense.
Kai: Let me go!
A fanfare is being played on trumpets, with a single cello playing the wrong notes.
Roman Emperor: Welcome, one and all, to today's special battle, dedicated to minifigures everywhere, but especially those who are from the Minifigures theme. To those of you who fit this special criterion, a special discount has been extended for this battle only.
Roman Emperor: As representative of all Minifigures, I will be announcing today's match. My soldiers will be refereeing it. This is all done with the approval of your host, Amset-Ra!
Roman Emperor: Without further ado, let us introduce the gladiators of tonight's match. In the red corner is this bestia insana, Frenzy! For some reason he's covered in bubbles.
Frenzy: Who taught YOU to fly?!
Roman Emperor: In the yellow corner is filia, qui ex deserta ambulat.
Rey: English, please?
Roman Emperor: We could all use a little bit of culture in our lives.
Rey: Dead culture?
Roman Emperor: I disapprove of you, girl. Next, in the green corner, a lucerna maga!
Nadakhan: And I! Say, mate, would you suppose to have any wishes o'er there?
Roman Emperor: Don't think I'll fall for that trick of yours.
Nadakhan: You wish to fall on a brick some more?
Roman Emperor: I am fine! Fine, I tell you! Now, in the final corner - oh, what's that? Nadakhan has been eliminated. How unfortunate.
Amset-Ra: What? Why?
Nadakhan: Your wish is my command!
The Roman Emperor suffers from some sudden affliction and dies. His army shouts in shock and leaves with the body, but they accidentally forget the hairpiece, which is collected by Frenzy.
Amset-Ra: What was that for?! I mean, totally justified in my books, but the plot demands that I ask this question so you can explain things to the viewers.
Nadakhan: Oh, I thought you said "You! Die!".
Terabyte: Oh, look! Our ratings just dropped by thirty percent!
Amset-Ra: Nadakhan! You've ruined us!
Wyldstyle: Not if I can help it!
Invizable: Oh, she has such an ego.
Wyldstyle: And you, my friend, are such a drama queen.
Invizable: I'm so unaffiliated with drama that when people look at drama and I happen to be standing in the centre of it, they say "What's that blank space for?".
Amset-Ra: Okay, Wyldstyle, you can be the referee, and Invizable, you'll be our announcer.
Invizable sticks out his tongue at Wyldstyle, who pouts silently, but does not notice the tongue due to its invisibility.
Invizable: Finally, in the blue corner, welcome back, STYNG RAYZOR!
Amset-Ra: Not again!
Manta Ray Warrior: Ra-argh...
Wyldstyle: Messing up the names? Already?
Invizable: Well, better safe than sorry. A random Manta Ray Warrior!
Assorted Atlantis Guardians: Ro-argh-argh-arr!
Invizable: Ocean King, who do you see as the inevitable victor of this match?
Ocean King: Nadakhan has proven himself time and time again, but Frenzy and Rey could surprise us yet again.
Rey: I do not want to be associated with that maniac!
Frenzy: Maniac with a train-iac!
Engineer: Give back that train, Frenzy!
Invizable: What about you, Alien Avenger? Where do your bets lie?
Alien Avenger: Rey. Strong.
Invizable: All right! Now, let's have our referee, Wyldstyle, start off the match!
Nadakhan: One wish for all of you!
Rey: Really? I wish to defeat you and save the galaxy from the first order!
Manta Ray Warrior: Ra-argh-argh!
Nadakhan: You wish to meet with me and enslave the galaxy to my every order? And you want race cars? If you insist!
The three fighters who are not Manta Ray Warriors are transported to Axel's bar and grill. Rey and Nadakhan sit opposite each other at a table, upon which is a piece of paper entitled "Galaxy Enslavement Contract".
Frenzy: Why are we in Axel's bar and grill? Hey Axel!
Rey: I should have seen this coming...
Nadakhan: Alright, just sign here, and the deal's done!
Rey: Ha! You won't trick me again.
Nadakhan: It's your wish!
Rey's arm begins to move without her control. It grabs a pen and begins to sign the document.
Rey: Ah! Help, Frenzy!
Nadakhan: Of course I'll help Frenzy! Frenzy, what do you wish for?
Frenzy: I wish for bu-
Invizable: We're now picking up video from surveillance cameras at Axel's bar and grill. It appears that a racecar just crashed through the front entrance, destroying Nadakhan's evil document and interrupting Frenzy's wish.
Rey: Surrender yourself, Genie!
Nadakhan: Is that what you wish?
Rey: Yes - no - I mean -
Frenzy: I know I'm crazy and all, but I think it would be a good idea for all of us if you stopped talking.
Nadakhan: Twisting long sentences gives me a headache! Mind shortening that?
Invizable: The Manta Ray Warrior has just popped out of the crashed racecar! Apparently Nadakhan does grant some selfless wishes.
Nadakhan: Ah! Stay away from me with that pitchfork!
Portal Emperor: (From the bottom of the sea) TRIDENT.
Nadakhan: That doesn't matter - hey, you, get away from me with that lightsaber!
Invizable: It appears that Nadakhan is being collaborated against!
Wyldstyle: Wow, the invisible man can see!
Rey: I'm outta here!
Invizable: Shocking us all, but especially Wyldstyle, Rey jumped out of the bar and grill while crushing it behind her with the force. Could anyone have survived?!
Invizable: And Nadakhan...?
Nadakhan: What was that about me transporting over here?
Invizable: You must be extremely hard of hearing. Oh, and now we can see Frenzy dashing back into the arena! The other fighters are in hot pursuit, with the Manta Ray Warrior in his race car.
Nadakhan: Get back over here, you fool! That teapot is priceless!
Frenzy: Oh, in that case, I'll just use it for my stew.
Rey: I believe that you got what you deserved, Nadakhan.
Invizable: The toxic mixture of Adam Acid's blood and Tiger Widow Venom managed to corrode the teapot and defeat Nadakhan. Quite a handy mixture you managed to procure there, Frenzy.
Wyldstyle: Nadakhan is eliminated!
Rey: Now I can speak freely!
Manta Ray Warrior: Rar-rar-rar-rar-raR!
Rey: Ah! The symmetry of that palindromic utterance is too powerful!
Mad Scientist: Hello! It's time for some ED-u-CATION!
Professor Christina Hydron: Let's start by discussing the Cation, an ion with a positive charge!
Pause for effect.
Professor Christina Hydron: See what I did there?
Mad Scientist: No no no! It's time for some REAL science! Chemicals!
Mix mix mix...
A mass of steam is produced...
Mad Scientist: There! Now, let's see what our chemical reaction has made today...
???: HOT DOG?!
Mad Scientist: Run! It's a feeding frenzy in here!
Back to the Battle IV
Invizable: Rey appears to have been crippled by the Manta Ray Warrior's utterances, leaving only the aquatic anthropomorph and Frenzy, who just ran out of the arena upon hearing about a hot dog. Wyldstyle, do we have a verdict?
Wyldstyle: As Rey is being transported to a medical facility and Frenzy has abandoned the arena, I declare them both eliminated and the Manta Ray Warrior to be this battle's undisputed -
Nadakhan: I'm back, mateys! Ha ha!
Invizable: I'm afraid I don't understand...
Nadakhan: I once twisted a Skulkin's first wish to be that I was revived after death. It took longer than expected to find my way back here, but now you don't stand a chance!
Manta Ray Warrior: Rar!
Invizable: Nadakhan has returned to the battle, but apparently the Manta Ray Warrior had one final trick buried in the sand - the Green Atlantis Key!
Manta Ray Warrior: Rar-rar!
Invizable: My translator is telling me that the Manta Ray Warrior would like to correct my assumptions about his green object. Apparently it is actually a roll of aquaduct tape - which is now being thrown at Nadakhan.
Invizable: Nadakhan's mouth has been aquaduct-taped. I don't know how this helps the Manta Ray Warrior, but apparently it does, as he is now celebrating with a very strange dance which includes jumping in circles while waving a trident ecstatically.
Manta Ray Warrior: Rar-rar-rar!
Manta Ray Warrior: Brrh-ungh!
Invizable: Ah, I see that Nadakhan has not forgotten his roots as a swashbuckling pirate, as he makes short work of both his oral restraints and his opponent's flesh.
Wyldstyle: Manta Ray Warrior is eliminated! Nadakhan -
???: Not... any... MORE!!!!!!!!!
Amset-Ra: General Crokenburg?
Rey: I'm afraid not. I just chose to make use of his catchphrase at a somewhat-appropriate time.
Nadakhan: Wait! She was already eliminated!
Wyldstyle: Well, that's never stopped a contestant before! Go get him, Rey!
Rey: This is for Luther!
Nadakhan: Who's Luther? I mean, not that it matters!
Nadakhan: That isn't the sound of a lightsaber!
Rey: No, it's the sound of a steel-enforced blade of light!
Nadakhan: Well, this may just be my opinion, but a lightsaber seems like the far better choice than a blade of light.
Rey: There was a copyright issue and such.
Nadakhan: Oh, I see. We've all felt the pain. But you, my friend, will be feeling it much more!
Swipe! Cling! Alien Clinger Bob?
Rey: Which pain were you referring to?
Inside Nadakhan's Brain
Which pain were you referring to?
Wish pain were you referring to?
Wish pain you incurring to?
Wish pain you occur to?
Wish pain occur to me too?
The Battle Part XI
Rey: This is more painful than listening to Chewie complain about the time he lost at Holo-Chess!
Rey leaves to seek out a bacta tank.
Wyldstyle: Rey is eliminated... again.
Invizable: Nadakhan has been crowned the winner!
After the Battle
At the Portal to Atlantis, all of the marine guardians are sitting sullenly on the steps.
Portal Emperor: And to think we nearly won.
This battle was brought to you by Aquaduct Tape. For all your aquatic needs, there's Aquaduct Tape! Not to be used on real Aquaducts or any other objects of a vital nature.
|<Previous Battle||Next Battle>|
|Season 3 Battles|
|Round 1||First Half: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30|
Second Half: 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67
|Round 2||First Half: 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36|
Second Half: TBD
|Round 3||First Half: 37|
Second Half: TBD