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|We have decided to disregard THE MIDGARD SERPENT'S prior wish. And miraculously get away with it. Hehe.|
|Season 3, Round 1, Battle 16 (102nd battle overall)|
|Written by NexoByte on September 22, 2016|
Also get the heads of Chopov and Bonezai and you'll own the complete collection of Skulkin head ammunition!
Nominated by NexoByte
Even the only original BIONICLE figure to fight here would win the ridiculously oversized weapon contest.
Nominated by MisterXenomorph
Back for more, I see?
Nominated by 200%Toguro
Mallock the Malign
Even minifigures designated as simply "Evil Wizard" need real names.
Nominated by Commandosaur
Before the Battle
Amset-Ra: Alright everyone, pack your bags. We're off to a mystery destination!
Suddenly, the ruins of the basement vibrates.
???: THE MIDGARD SERPENT INTERVENES. THE QUESTION MARKS ARE NO LONGER NECESSARY.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: MUCH BETTER.
Amset-Ra: What do you want, Middy?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT; THE MIDGARD SERPENT REQUESTS TO TAKE THE POSITION OF ANNOUNCER, REFEREE, PREDICTOR, AND HOST FOR THIS BATTLE.
Amset-Ra: It seems to be happening a lot lately, so... why not.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: HAPPIES!
Amset-Ra: Oh, and don't forget to take this with you. You might need it for when you're hungry.
He gives THE MIDGARD SERPENT a suitcase.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WHAT IS IT?
Amset-Ra: Corona'd Ogel.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: MY FAVORITE.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WELCOME TO RAHI NUI, MATA NUI'S LARGEST ZOO.
Spectator: You're crazy! Cages could get destroyed, Rahi could break free! Soon, Makuta would be out of Bohrok to control! Well, two out of three ain't bad.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: RELAX. IT'S ALL PART OF THE CHAOTIC FUN.
Another Spectator: So who's sponsoring this battle?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: Makuta.
Yet Another Spectator: You're crazy!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: NO. I'M A DEMIGOD.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: (screaming at the top of his lungs in a megaphone) BLASPHEMYYYYYYYY!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WHATEVER. THET MIDGARD SERPENT IS TOO BORED TOO ANNOUNCE THE FIGHTERS.
Still Another Spectator: Announce them anyway, or else we'll lose fans!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: FINE. JUST AROUND THE CORNER FROM THE EXO-TOA EXHIBIT, THE MIGHTY WIZARD, MALLOCK THE MALIGN.
Mallock: Since when did this zoo have an Exo-Toa exhibit?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: ACROSS FROM THE KANE-RA EXHIBIT, THE MASTER OF PORTALS, ANTIMATTER.
AntiMatter: I HAVE RETURNED TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED.
Unbelievable Another Spectator: Come on! Now we've got two minifigures speaking in caps?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: I AM NOT A MINIFIGURE. NEAR THE BOHROK EXHIBIT, THE TOA METRU OF FIRE, VAKAMA.
Vakama: Don't forget: I'm also the Toa Hordika of Fire!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: SHOWOFF. LAST AND LEAST, IN THE BOHROK EXHIBIT, THE PITIFUL SKULKIN, FRAKJAW.
Frakjaw: Help! Someone get me out of here!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: YOU'RE BASICALLY DEAD. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? ANYWAY, I'LL SKIP THE AWARDS TODAY. LET'S SEE NOW. I'M NOT PREDICTING ANTIMATTER DUE TO HIS PLAGIARISM, AND I'M DEFINITELY NOT PREDICTING FRAKJAW BECAUSE HE BEAT ME LAST MATCH. SOOOO... HOW ABOUT VAKAMA?
Vakama: You're going down, all of you!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: GREAT. AS SOON AS YOU'RE DONE BICKERING... YOU MAY BEGIN.
Frakjaw: Help! I'm surrounded by Bohrok! Someone get me outta here!
Vakama: Hey, it's your problem, not mine. See ya!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: AND NOW VAKAMA IS MANEUVERING HIS WAY PAST THE EXO-TOA EXHIBIT...
Exo-Toa: I have free will!
Vakama: I don't care!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: AND HAS JUST BUMPED INTO MALLOCK'S MAGIC BARRIER.
Mallock: Ahahaha! I have you right where I want you!
Vakama: But not for long.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: VAKAMA HAS FIRED HIS KANOKA DISK OVER THE BARRIER, AND SCORES A DIRECT IT ON MALLOCK. THE BARRIER DISAPPEARS. AND HERE COMES ANTIMATTER!
AntiMatter: WELL... I SEE YOU MADE SHORT WORK OF MALLOCK. I CAN DO LIKEWISE TO YOU.
Vakama: No thanks.
AntiMatter: PORTAL SWARM.
Woosh woosh woosh woosh woosh woosh
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: LET'S SEE WHAT'S GOING IN THE BOHROK EXHIBIT.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: DOES THE MIDGARD SERPENT'S EYES DECIEVE HIM?! FRAKJAW HAS TAKEN OFF HIS HEAD AND THROWN IT THROUGH THE BARS, AND NOW THE REST OF THE BODY IS FOLLOWING BLINDLY. NOW FRAKJAW IS REASSEMBLING HIMSELF.
Frakjaw: That was easy!
He draws his bone axe and runs toward the rest of the battle. When he arrives, he sees an unconscious Mallock and Vakama, and AntiMatter unscrewing all the screws out of Vakama with his broken staff.
Frakjaw: Hi Anti! What's going on?
AntiMatter: HE SHOT A DISK AT MY STAFF, BREAKING THE PORTAL GENERATOR, WHICH SHUT DOWN ALL MY PORTALS. BUT I GRABBED MALLOCK'S WAND AND PARALYZED HIM. HEY, AREN'T YOU ONE OF MY OPPONENTS?!
Frakjaw: I guess...
Poof! Bounce bounce click
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: ANTIMATTER HAS USED MALLOCK'S WAND TO VAPORIZE FRAKJAW'S BODY, WHICH, I BELIEVE, IS NOW BACK AT THE BOHROK EXHIBIT. FRAKJAW'S HEAD BOUNCED A COUPLE OF TIME AND ATTACHED TO VAKAMA'S KANOKA DISK LAUNCHER. AND NOW VAKAMA IS STIRRING!
Vakama: Yawn... I just had the strangest vision... It was as if a skull suddenly appeared on my- Hey, it came to pass!
Frakjaw: When will Mallock wake up?
Mallock: Ha! I feigned my unconsciousness! Prepare to lose, losers!
AntiMatter: I FEAR HE HAS THE ADVENTAGE. CONSTRUCT!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: THE MIDGARD SERPENT IS NOT SURPRISED TO SEE THAT IT IS HIS HOVERCRAFT.
Mallock: Rise, my skeleton army!
Frakjaw: Ooh, a skeleton army! Sounds interesting!
Samukai: You dare betray me?!
Frakjaw: Sorry, sorry.
Vakama: Urgh... I can't move... But I've got an idea...
Zing! Pow! Catch!
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: IN A LIGNTNING-FAST MOVE, VAKAMA HAS FIRED HIS KANOKA DISK AT MALLOCK. FRAKJAW'S HEAD, WHICH WAS FIRED WITH THE DISK, KNOCKED THE WAND OUT OF MALLOCK'S HAND, AND ANTIMATTER SWOOPED DOWN AND CAUGHT IT.
AntiMatter: MY VICTORY IS INEVITABLE. GOODBYE.
There is a distant crash of metal. The ground begins to rumble.
Vakama: Oh please, no...
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: THE BOHROK HAVE BROKEN OUT OF THEIR EXHIBIT AND IS STAMPEDING TOWARD THE FIGHTERS? HOW WILL THEY REACT?
Fifteen seconds pass...
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE ANTIMATTER FLEW SAFELY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE BOHROK, VAKAMA AND MALLOCK ARE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN, BITS AND PIECES OF MALLOCK'S PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A SKELETON ARMY ARE LYING ON THE TRAIL, AND I COULD HAVE SWORN I SAW FRAKJAW'S BODY RIDING ONE OF THE BOHROK.
AntiMatter: I HAVE WON.
???: Not yet!
Mallock emerges from the trees outside the trail and steps over the broken pieces of Vakama, who has clearly been eliminated.
Mallock: That wand is a decoy! Here is the real one!
In a flash, Mallock reassembles Vakama's Kanoka Disk launcher, fires a disk which knocks AntiMatter off of his hovercraft, and magically teleports him away.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT:MALLOCK THE MALIGN IS THE WINNER.
Mallock: What happened to Frakjaw?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WHILE HIS BODY IS HAVING THE RIDE OF ITS LIFE, THE HEAD IS BEING USED AS PART OF A SPARE TIRE ON THE SKULL TRUCK. AS FOR ANTIMATTER, HE IS NOW LOCKED IN THE BOHROK EXHIBIT. WELL, THAT WAS FUN, TIME TO HEAD BACK.
After the Battle
Amset-Ra: Welcome back, Middy! How was the battle?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: MALLOCK WON.
Amset-Ra: Well, good for him!
Anubis Guard: Look out, she's coming down again!
Rumble rumble CRASH!
Amset-Ra: I knew that we shouldn't have rebuilt it out of sticks.
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: WHAT DID YOU USE THE FIRST TIME?
THE MIDGARD SERPENT: THE MIDGARD SERPENT would recommend bricks this time.
Amset-Ra: I'll take your advice. I think that the viewers, er, readers, have seen more than enough stuff in caps today. Until next time-
Ogel: Let me out of this suitcase!
Amset-Ra: -End transmission.
|<Previous Battle||Next Battle>|
|Season 3 Battles|
|Round 1||First Half: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30|
Second Half: 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | 46 | 47 | 48 | 49 | 50 | 51 | 52 | 53 | 54 | 55 | 56 | 57 | 58 | 59 | 60 | 61 | 62 | 63 | 64 | 65 | 66 | 67
|Round 2||First Half: 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36|
Second Half: TBD
|Round 3||First Half: 37|
Second Half: TBD