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Q&A Time: Question #1: What is this page? Answer #1: It's a battle!
Season 2, Round 1, Battle 22 (71st battle overall)
Written by NexoByte on November 4, 2015
The Announcer

Invizable Griffin Turner
The Referee

Tee-Vee Karlof
The Predictor

Grundalychus Master Chen
The Red Corner
Bard the Dragon Slayer: soon to be called Bard the Slayer of Robots, Vampyres, and Evil Multiverse Villains?

Rank 20; 1-0
Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Green Corner
Evil Mech
Evil Mech
Who doesn't love robots? Especially not robots that come fully armed and dangerous?

Nominated by Surtatb2007
The Yellow Corner
Lord Vortech
Lord Vortech
This guy has conquered just about all of the multiverses out there. Can he conquer the Fighting Pyramid as well?

Nominated by Punctuation Penguin
The Blue Corner
Lord Vampyre
Lord Vampyre
The light! It burrrrrrns!

Nominated by TheAnonymousA

Before the Battle

Amset-Ra: Boy, I am so glad to have escaped the past... but one question remains: What is the TARDIS, the Truly Annoying Rogues Doing Insane Stuff?

???: You wonder who we are?

Shadowy hands grab Amset-Ra and carry him into the darkness.

Amset-Ra: Eeek!




???: Greetings, desert worm. I am Commander Flash.

Flash is a completely shadowy figure. He hovers without any legs.

Amset-Ra: Why have you captured me?!

Flash: First of all, let me tell you this. When we saw Invizable win the Super Crown, we became envious. Therefore, we founded the TARDIS. Our goal is to choose fighters to fight for us. The winner of the season will give me the Super Crown.

Amset-Ra: That's crueler than Dad and I combined! But you didn't answer my question. Why have you kidnapped me?

Flash: To simply get you out of the way of our evil plan.

Amset-Ra: But-

Flash: You've heard enough. Streak, take him away.

A figure in a helmet lifts Amset-Ra out of his chair and carries him away. He returns a moment later.

Streak: Who do you want to see win, Commander?

Flash: Hmmm... Bard beat not only Smaug last week, but also Sauron and a Weeping Angel. I want to see him win.

Streak: I will make sure of it, Commander.


Dr. Inferno: That's strange... Amset-Ra is late for the match. Oh, what's this?

Dr. Inferno picks up a note.

Note: If you want to see your "pharaoh" again, give us the Super Crown at the end of the season. On second thought, why wait until then? Let's get it now!! Signed, Commander Flash

Dr. Inferno: Hey guys! You'll want to see this!

Wyldstyle, Invizable, Grundalychus, Axel, Tee-Vee, and the newly-released Ogel arrive to see the note.

Invizable: No way!

Wyldstyle: The Justice League has kidnapped Amset-Ra!

Dr. Inferno: No, I don't think they kidnapped him. See here, it's signed "Commander Flash," not "The Flash."

Grundal: Have yourself... a merry little battle... It is sad... today... Because now... Our pharaoh is now far away...

Tee-Vee: Query: Amset-Ra?

Dr. Inferno: Alright, guys, we have to team up to get Amset-Ra back. PYRAMID STAFF ASSEMBLE!

The Pyramid Staff leave to find their pharaoh.

The Battle

Griffin Turner: Yo, dudes! Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid!

Audience: Boooooooo!!!

Master Chen: Cheer, or else I'll steal your powers!

Audience: Yay...

Master Chen: That's better.

Griffin: Amset-Ra is late, and the Pyramid Staff is running some errands, so that leaves us dudes to do their work!

Pharaoh Hotep: 'Sup.

Griffin: Oh, and Hotep is taking Amset's place.

Pharaoh Hotep: Call us by our full names, please.

Griffin: All right, Ramses Horus Hotep.

Pharaoh Hotep: Not like that.

Griffin: Whatever.

Pharaoh Hotep: And announce the fighters.

Griffin: All right! In the THROWBACKTHURSDAY Corner is the ancient blind Greek poet, Homer Simpson!

Bard: I am not ancient, nor am I blind, nor am I Greek, nor am I a poet, nor is he named Homer Simpson. He is simply Homer, and I am simply Bard.

Griffin: Oh? And have you heard the palindrome "drab pals slap bard," dude?

Bard: How dare you insult the slayer of the king under the mountain!

Thorin: You... You destroyed Grandpappy Thror? I'll get you for that!

Griffin: That's rich, dudes! In the I'MRELATEDTOTHEGUYWHOFOUGHTJEK-14THREETIMESLASTSEASON, it's the Blacktron robot, Evil Mech!

Evil Mech: Targeting systems online.

Griffin: In the I'MWORSETHANANTIMATTER Corner is the new villain from LEGO Dimensions, give it up for Lord Vortech, dudes!

Lord Vortech: Yesssss... Give it up for me! GYAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Griffin: In the GARLICANDSUNLIGHT Corner is the scaredy-bat, Lord Vampyre!


The room is plunged into darkness. A few minifigures turn on flashlights.

Griffin: How did you do that, dude?

Lord Vampyre: Remote control.

Griffin: Gnarly! Okay, rock on, Chen!

Master Chen: Master Chen will begin predicting. When Bard runs out of Black Arrows, he'll be done for. He and Vortech cannot see in the dark-

Lord Vortech: Bite your tongue, if you have one! I have night vision!

Evil Mech: Ditto.

Master Chen: Okay, Bard can't see in the dark. Despite Evil Mech's futuristic attacks and Lord Vortech's black holes, I believe Lord Vampyre will win, since he can shapeshift.

Griffin: Well put, dude! Rock on, Karlof!

Karlof: Blockheads fight.

Ding ding ding!

Lloyd: Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.

Pharaoh Hotep: Yeah, unless you're a Weeping Angel.

Evil Mech: Commencing Attack Mode 12. Initiating Rapid Fire.

Lord Vortech: Dimensional Rifts!


Bard: Yaziziziziziziz! End transmission!






Pharaoh Hotep: -and don't do that again!

Cameraman Anubis Guard and Bard: Yes, sir.

Griffin: Whoa! Did you see that, dudes? Evil Mech fired some blaster shots at Lord Vampyre, but Lord Vortech created a black hole that made the shots hit Bard instead!

Bard: You'll pay for that! Black Arrow!


Lord Vampyre: No! NO! Not my heart!


Lord Vortech: ARGH! Ugh... uh... You beat me...


Karlof: Vortech eliminated.

Griffin: Bard shot a Black Arrow at Lord Vampyre, but he hid behind Lord Vortech and the arrow hit Vortech instead! What an action-packed match, dudes!

Evil Mech: Booting Night Vision. Initiating Evasive Maneuvers.


Bard: Where did he go?

Whoosh BOOM!

Bard: Argh!

Griffin: Evil Mech flew behind Bard and fired a missile at him, sending him on top of Lord Vortech! Oh, and Evil Mech didn't activate his night vision until now? Oh, Bard is getting back up!

Bard: You haven't seen the last of me!

Lord Vampyre: But I have. Let's have some fun now, shall we?


Griffin: Lord Vampyre has turned into Smaug!

"Smaug": Bard... I have an old score to settle vith you.

Bard: Black Arrow!


Bard: Oh no, I only have one more arrow.

Griffin: Dude, "Smaug" just burnt up the Black Arrow in midair!

"Smaug": Do you understand my true power?

Bard: Um... Not entirely...

"Smaug": Then learn.


Karlof: Bard eliminated.

"Smaug": Time to change form.


"Battle Mech": Targeting systems online. Initiating Rocket Combo... Um... I'm not going to talk like a robot.

POW POW whoosh POW!

Evil Mech: Effect: Minimal. Booting Self-Repair.

Griffin: After "Battle Mech" bashed Evil Mech in, the dude is now licking its mininal wounds.

"Battle Mech": That didn't work... How about Death From Above?


"Battle Mech": I missed! Time to change form!

Griffin: How could our vampyre dude miss a barrage of missiles? Anyway, he's turning into Jek-14 now, probably because he beat Battle Mech twice last season, so Evil Mech shouldn't be any different.

"Jek-14": I am ready to fight... AGAINST A FAMILIAR FOE! Deconstruct!


Griffin: Yo, dudes! This is just like old times! "Jek-14" tried to deconstruct Battle- I mean, Evil Mech, but to no avail. Look, dudes, he's trying to Force-zap Evil Mech!

Evil Mech: Damage: Critical. Boot Self Destruct.

Pharaoh Hotep: Ha ha! You've only got 60 seconds to avoid the explosion!

"Jek-14": That's easy.

Woosh! Toss!

Karlof: Evil Mech elininated. Lord Vampyre wins.


Lord Vampyre: Thas was all to easy. Next opponent, please!

Pharaoh Hotep: Let's listen for the explosion.





A distant explosion is heard.

Lord Vampyre: Yes! Evil Mech is history!

Pharaoh Hotep: And now to solve the mystery of why Amset-Ra isn't here.

After the Battle

Flash: Spike! Get in here!

A shadowy helmeted figure enters Commander Flash's office. The commander is standing over a smoldering crater near his desk.

Flash: Is this a prank?

Spike: Oh, no, no, Commander. It just looks like your average, run-of-the-mill self-destructing Evil Mech.

Flash: So that proves that he didn't win tonight. Who did?

Spike: I don't know. Streak was watching the match. He should be back any time now.

Flash: Good. I can't wait to hear who won!

Streak enters, out of breath.

Streak: *huff* Bard beat Vortech, *puff* but he was beaten by *huff* Lord Vampyre, and he turned into *puff* Jek-14 to beat Evil Mech.


Spike runs out of the room. Streak tries to follow, but he finds himself magically chained to the floor.


Streak: Then I suggest recruiting whoever has the highest chances other than Lord Vampyre.

Flash: That's exactly what I plan to do. Thank you, Streak.

The chains disappear, and Streak leaves.


Dr. Inferno: So he isn't in his office, nor is he in the cafeteria.

Wyldstyle: Amset-Ra should be around here somewhere!

Invizable: Tee-Vee, did you attach a tracking device to him?

Tee-Vee: Negative.

Dr. Inferno: Well, there are a few places we haven't checked.

Axel: Like where?

Dr. Inferno: How 'bout the basement?

Wyldstyle: Let's go!

End Transmission.

The Winner
Lord Vampyre
Lord Vampyre
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See the Fighter Rankings as of this battle.

How much did you enjoy Bard vs. Evil Mech vs. Lord Vortech vs. Lord Vampyre?

The poll was created at 02:38 on November 29, 2015, and so far 1 people voted.